Sitemap - 2023 - Ye Olde Tyme News

Be This the End?

Dear Dark Lord: Should I Shadow Ban Unruly Minions (by Casting Their Souls Into the Shadow Realm)?

5 Sheep That Are Totally CRUSHING This Nativity Scene

Medieval Greeting Cards: Holiday Edition

Ye Opinion: I’m Not Anti-Free Speech, I Just Happen to Be Pro-Cutting My Rivals’ Tongues Out

Dear Dark Lord: Should I Wait Until After the Darkness Has Cast the Realm Into Eternal Shadow to Get Married?

Does He Spend Too Much Tyme With His Guy Friends Because He Doesn’t Love Thee or Because He’s a Hermit Monk in a Secluded Mountaintop Monastery?

A Royal Gift for Paid Subscribers

You’ve Got One Hell of a Crocodile Infestation


These Black Friday Sales Put the 'Deal' in 'Surviving This Winter Shall Be Quite an Ordeal'

The Dark Lord Actually Makes Some Pretty Compelling Arguments for Casting the Realm Into Eternal Shadow

Please Stop Complaining About the Horse Parking Lot We Razed Thy Homes to Build

Nape Voted Sexiest Place to Stab With a Halberd


The Only Way to Stop a Bad Guy with a Halberd Is a Goode Guy with a Vociferous Opinion on Polearms

How to Get in the Autumn Mood by Dying and Falling Off a Tree

Medieval HOA:SVU 4 - Loudly Doth He Chew

8 Maleficent Omens to Repurpose as Last-Minute Fall Decorations

Ye Opinion: Don't Cancel Halloween Just Because I Burned a Couple Kids in Witch Costumes at the Stake

So-called 'Holy War' Doesn't Even Have Any Knights Templar

The Dos and Don’ts of Seeing Thy Goat-headed Ex-boyfriend at the Séance

Medieval Greeting Cards

Easy Recipes That Only Require a Cauldron, 75 Servants, and a Fleet of Merchant Vessels to Sail the Known World Seeking Spices

Heroic Gouvernment Passes Bill to Keep Paying Themselves

How to Earn Thy Vassals’ Respect Without Paying Them or Acknowledging Their Personhood in Any Way Whatsoever

Is He Playing Hard to Get, or Is He a Teutonic Knight Who Hath Sworn a Vow of Chastity and Utterly Spurned Womyn?

Dear Dark Lord: I Think the Spider Queen That Spawned an Army of Man-eating Arachnids Is Taking Advantage of Our Parental Leave Policy

The Seven Deadly Sins Ranked By Profitability

How to Explain the Gap in Thy Résumé to the All-seeing, All-knowing Orbuculum Conducting the Job Interview

Everyone in Fellowship Assumes Dark Elf a Diversity Hire

Scribes' Strike to Delay Production of 2 or 3 Bibles

Questball - Chapter VII

Plague Death Toll Rises to Who Cares They're All Peasants

Ye Olde Tools of the Trade

30 Over 30: These People Lived Past Age 30

‘You Have to Be Dead First,’ and Other Caveats to Our Fief’s Unlimited Vacation Policy

Questball - Chapter VI

Why I Stopped Working and Started Absconding with the Duke’s Eldest Son

Hark! Fair Tavern Goers! Wilt Thou Stick Around for Open Bard Night?

Is the Media Over-Sexualizing Womyn’s Jousting, or Do Womyn Just Look Really Hot in Plate Armour?

There Beeth a New HOA in Towne

Questball - Chapter V

PTO Win! The Lord Now Offers 3 Days of Plague Tyme Off

Study: Kingdom’s Drinking Water Contaminated With Dangerous Levels of Lovesick Maidens Drowning in the Throes of Heartbreak

Medieval HOA: SVU 4 - The Block Party

Questball - Chapter IV

Intermittent Feasting, and Other Health Tips to Maintain Thy Dainty Yet Corpulent Noble Figure

Man Solemnly Vomits Ale and Sausages in Honour of Kingdom’s Founding

HOA Update - ſummer is in Full ſwing


Questball - Chapter III

This Kingdom Is Going to Shyt: A Lord Cannot Even Hire an Honest, Loyal Mercenary Army Anymore

Tech Review: Is This New ‘Spectacles’ Invention Better Than Holding Things Closer to Thy Face?

Questball - Chapter II

Sir Geoff and the Quest to Go on a Quest


Experts Warn Large Number of Arrows in Air May Pose Health Risks

Are You Flogging Your Workers Too Much, Not Enough, or the Right Amount but With the Wrong Type of Flogging Stick?

The HOA Serves an Eviction Notice

Short Stories

ſunday ſcribblings

How to Party so Hard That Thou Defaults on Thy Sovereign Debt

The HOA Is Called to Order

Church’s New Celibacy Policy Leads to Massive Decline in Sexy Ass Popes

7 Gifts to Give Thy Mother Without Violating the Whole 'Womyn Aren't Allowed to Own Property' Thing

Worried About Job Security? Consider Becoming a Dragon Sitting on a Hoard of Treasure

It Happened Again: We Accidentally Crowned This Cat as King and Now He’s Waging a Civil War to Defend His Throne

A Letter from the HOA (Hovel Owners Association) to the Snivelling Vassals of this Fief

Children’s Crusade Fail: Turns Out Children Really Suck at War

Ye Olde Tyme Podcast

Middle Men - Part III

How to Slide Into Her DMs Without Provoking a Decades-long Blood Feud With Her Kinsfolk

Thank Us Later: If You Overpaid on Taxes This Year, Instead of Sending a Tax Refund The King Will Send This Goat Guy to Hit You With a Bludgeon

Claim Your Goats as Dependents, and Other Last-Minute Tax Advice

What to Do When a Band of Brigands Has Stolen Thy Horse’s Catalytic Converter

Monk Tired of Doing All the Work for Monastery Easter Egg Hunt Just Because He the Only One Who Can Lay Eggs

Dear Dark Lord: My Quarry Slaves Aren't "All In" on Our Quarry's Mission

Looketh Out Ladies: Boëthius Got a New Ox and Now He’s the Hottest Shyt in the Village

Ye Opinion: Real Fools Don’t Celebrate April Fools’ Day. Real Fools Are Idiots All Year Round

Ye Olde Tyme Quest: The Peasant

A Lord Cannot Even Leave His Castle Unlocked in This Neighbourhood Anymore

Ye Olde Tyme Quest: The Peasant

Mayhaps the King Will Giveth Me His Favour if I Defend Him in a Conversation He Will Never Hear

"Kiss Me, I'm Elvish," Says Elf Who Wants to Be Kissed Because He's Sad and Alone

How to Diversify Thy Portfolio by Burying Treasure on Many Desert Islands Instead of Just One

This Prince Can Resurrect Thee With a Kiss, but Can He Make Thee Cometh?

9 Out of 10 Dentists Recommend Just Yanking Stuff Out and Seeing What Happens

King Rewrites All Books to Remove Offensive Parts About Peasants Having Money

Kinky Stonemason Into Buttress Stuff

Poor Job Outlook for Philosophers Not Important in Grand Scheme of Things, Report Philosophers

TikTok Addiction: The Youth Theſe Days ſpend too Much Tyme ſtaring at Clocks

‘No Evidence Jousting Causes Brain Injury,’ Claims Knight’s Mangled, Disembodied Head

I Am Prince Ayden Who-Definitely-Didn't-Murder-His-Elder-Brother-to-Become-Prince. Asketh Me Anything!

Middle Men - Part II

Obnoxious Sports Fan Keeps Having Opposing Team Summarily Executed

In This Fiefdom We Are Family, Except Those of You Whom I Sired

How Affordable Was Life in the Middle Ages?

New Policy Allows Church to Sell Thy Prayer Data to Advertisers

I Have Had It With These Mother Felling Vikings in This Mother Felling Nave

Quiet Quitting: A Blight on Thy Fief, or a Natural Side Effect of Cutting Thy Serfs’ Tongues Out?

The Goose That Manipulated the Golden Egg Futures Market

Middle Men - Part I

Believe Me, No One Is More Upset About the Botched Dragon-Slaying Than I Am

DEAR DARK LORD: What Is a ‘Living Wage’ and Why Do My Minions Keep Asking for One?

Frost, and 8 Other Things That Bit the Prince's Pœnis During the Royal Wedding

Easy Ways to Meal Prep for the Week by Ordering Thy Servants to Do It Then Taking a Nap

Jobs Report: Everyone Still Doing Whatever Their Last Name Is

Ye Opinion: Back in My Day, We Didn’t Need a New Year Every Year