Ye Opinion: I’m Not Anti-Free Speech, I Just Happen to Be Pro-Cutting My Rivals’ Tongues Out
They are not the same
By Jorêk Bloodknyfe, Headhunter
There is much ado in the Realm regarding my opinions on freedom of speech. Many of my contemptible opponents have seen fit to slander my viewpoints in this regard merely because my methods of silencing them “frequently” involve “physical violence.”
But ‘tis tyme to set ye record straight: Just because I happen to strongly support the practice of cutting my rivals’ tongues out doth not mean that I am against free speech.
The best place to kill an idea is at the tongue, but it’s not like it’s my only, or even my preferred, method. Strangling an idea with bureaucratic red tape or paying off a handful of the loudest town criers to malign my foes in the village square is much cleaner.
Self-proclaimed philosophers may argue “thou cannest cut a tongue, but thou cannest not cut an idea.” I happen to disagree. I’ve cut quite a few tongues in my day and can attest it works at least 90 percent of the tyme. Sure, one of my newly tongueless enemies will occasionally pick up the quill and take to denigrating me in writing. But ‘tis rather uncommon. Most of the knaves don’t know how to write, and after I cut their tongues out I make sure to rob them as well so that they cannot afford parchment.
Give heed: I do not relish the severing I must do. I would much prefer the authorities get involved and The King order my rivals’ tongues cut in the Court of Law. But such is the society in which we live that each man with a dagger and an opinion must take to incising of his own accord.
Some of my critics (whose tongues I have not yet cut) might protest: “But won’t cutting out peoples’ tongues merely strengthen their resolve to their cause and further drive us apart, not to mention become a news story in and of itself, thus inadvertently advertising their enterprise? Whereas honest discourse could instead seek to bridge the divide and lead to some level of — if not agreement — at least mutual understanding of one another’s beliefs, and mayhaps even influence the dialogue in a constructive way? For are we not all humans after all — some of us perhaps led astray by the vicissitudes of lyfe or the influences of evil actors — but humans nonetheless? Humans who, at our cores, have the same wants, dreams, and desires for lyfe, and love, and loyalty to The King?”
To that I respond: Sleep with one eye open, for my blade is sharp and she thirsts for mouth-blood.
If you disagree with me in this matter I will happily meet with you to discuss it, whereupon I will kindly introduce you to my friend Grünhilda. (That’s what I named my knife.)
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