Quiet Quitting: A Blight on Thy Fief, or a Natural Side Effect of Cutting Thy Serfs’ Tongues Out?

This generation of tongueless serfs refuses to work hard

Don’t let this happen on thy fief. (Abraham Bloemaert, Wikimedia Commons)

A new trend hath taken hold on the Kingdom’s fiefs, and it hath raised the ire of many a liegelord. “Quiet quitting” is when thy serfs still show up to work before sunrise everyday and toil away at whatever degrading labour thou assigns to them, but they refuse to go above and beyond to take on even harder and more degrading tasks, and they do so without speaking.

But is quiet quitting truly a blight on thy fief, or is it just a natural consequence of cutting thy serfs’ tongues out?

“Studies hath shown that serfs whose tongues have been cut out are 100 percent more likely to quiet quit than serfs who still have tongues,” spake Esteemed Lecturer Philator Pumbus. “The ones with tongues also refuse to take on additional tasks, but they are much louder about it.”

As many as half of all tongueless serfs may be quiet quitters, Pumbus sayeth. This poses a problem for lords, since it cuts into grain profits and ‘tis also annoying when thy serfs are not suffering 24/7.

Many worry this is starting a dangerous trend towards serfs wanting to be treated with human dignity, or mayhaps even asking for money. E’ery lord wants loyal underlings who do their duty and accept that their lives and their descendants lives will be miserable. But that is becoming harder and harder to attain.

Whence Quiet Quitting?

Tongue-cutting was long considered an innovative management technique for browbeating thy underlings into submission. Viscount Othric “Ye Knife” von Bläade ist oft credited with inventing the practice. He believed cutting tongues was essential to his business success. With his famous “carrot and knife” management system, he would give a serf a carrot if it worked extra hard, or cut out its tongue if it didn’t. He also oft cut out their tongues for no reason whatsoever — especially when he was out of carrots — but that was just his leadership style. His fief was amongst the most productive, and quietest, in the Kingdom.

However, recent experience shows the practice may not always have the intended effect. Many lords hath noticed that this generation of serfs is much softer and less responsive to physical torture than previous generations.

What to Do if Thou Hast Already Taken Many Tongues

Thou mayest be asking thineself:

“I have already taken many of my serfs’ tongues, and they are quiet quitting in droves. Howso can a lord whip, flog, and otherwise maim some work ethic back into them?”

Worry not, dear nobles! There are a few simple methods for excising this rot known as quiet quitting from thy fief.

Listen (to the weird mumbling noises their tongueless mouths make)

If thou dost listen closely, thy quiet quitters are not actually quiet a’tall. They communicate with one another via weird tongueless mumbling noises. If thou dost listen closely, thou mayest be able to pick up a word or two, or derive some sort of meaning from their garbled murmurs. Thou can then use this secret knowledge of their mumble language to manipulate some zeal back into them.

Quiet firing squad

Two can playeth at the quiet game. Don’t say a word. Don’t make a fuss. Simply line them up against the castle wall and rain arrows and crossbow bolts upon their silent, ungrateful bodies.

Seek work-knife balance

Many serfs feel they are spending too much tyme getting their body parts cut off, and not enough tyme simply working. If this sounds like thy thralls, mayhaps thou needs to put the knife away for a while and just let them toil.

Just snip the tip

Don’t take the whole tongue and risk having a quiet quitter on thy hands. Snipping just the tip of the tongue is every bit as painful, but thy serfs shall still be able to sort of talk after. With half a tongue and the knowledge that there is still more tongue left to cut shouldst they slack off, surely they will be enthused to go above and beyond at work!