Scribes' Strike to Delay Production of 2 or 3 Bibles

And probably some shyt about King Arthur, too

Getteth back to work. We shall figure out the whole “pay” thing later. (Libro de los Juegos, Wikimedia Commons)

According to experts, if the ongoing battle betwixt the Royal Scriptorium and the Scribes Guild continues much longer it may delay the production of up to two or three new Bibles, and possibly some shyt about King Arthur, too.

“For those amongst thee that were hoping for a hot new edition of the Bible to drop this summer, thou shall just have to wait,” spake industry insider Manfred Knowenthinges. “Unfortunately, that means summer blockbusters like King Arthur Saves Christianity from the Heathens Part VII and Corinthians: Reloaded will have to wait until next year. Those of us that know how to read will be stuck watching reruns of our existing copies of the Goode Booke for the foreseeable future.”

Luckily for fans, everyone in the Kingdom that can afford a book already owns like 20 Bibles and equally as many manuscripts about King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table, and publishing anything else is illegal.

Amongst the scribes’ demands is moderating the use of a new device called the printing press, which churns out far more of that fresh Gospel content customers are hungry for, but which takes jobs from scribes and lacks the authenticity of a scrivener’s quill. Scriptorium leadership hath also refused to give in to the Guild’s “insatiable, unrealistic” demands for what they’re calling “pay.”

“These scribes should be honoured to have the privilege to sit in a dark cloister scrivening religious texts by candlelight for eighteen hours a day until they die,” spake Scrivener-in-Chief of the Royal Scriptorium Richbert Quillpeter. “If they wanted a living wage they should have been born into the nobility like everyone else.”

The Royal Scriptorium hath made many proposals to end the strike, and the Guild hath come back with counter-proposals. But thus far the two groups have not reached any consensus on protecting writers’ rooms from the violent amphibious raids that seem to strike every summer.

“So our writers’ rooms are occasionally overrun by Vikings and all of the scribes are slaughtered or otherwise sold into slavery,” spake Quillpeter. “‘Tis a tough industry. That’s just the cost of doing business.

“I’ve found a little danger and threat of disembowelment helps the creative process.”

The Bards Guild, Troubadours Guild, and Jesters Guild have also gone on strike in solidarity with the Scribes Guild. The Poets Guild likely would have joined as well, but they were busy brooding alone in a dreary tenement and no one has seen them in months.

Other demands addressed by the Scribes Guild include:

• At least a platoon of armed and armoured scribes per writers’ room. Guildsmen argue this shall offer temporary protection from Northmen raids, as well as the ability to pick up side gigs as infantrymen.

• Stop building writers’ rooms on exposed coastlines directly across the sea from bloodthirsty naval warriors. The Guild claims this point should be obvious, but the Scriptorium hath already made heavy investments in infrastructure along the most attackable shorelines and promontories.

• More dicks in the marginalia. Regulations prohibiting the excess illustration of penii, hindquarters, and other privy matters in the margins of religious manuscripts hath made it hard for phallus specialists to find work. The Guild demands doubling the amount of marginalia dicks, which have long been a fan favourite amongst the faithful.

• Hostage insurance. The scribes demand the Scriptorium launch counter-raids to rescue any writers captured during Northmen raids, and that they should be paid in full for any tyme spent as a Viking slave.

• Employment of womyn. Is not a demand because nobody cares.

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