Experts Warn Large Number of Arrows in Air May Pose Health Risks

Especially for people with pre-existing arrow wounds

“Awful weather we’re having.” (Jack Matthew, UK National Archives)

As battles raged across the Realm from yestermorn into today, air quality experts hath warned that the large volleys of arrows flying through the air may pose health risks to those exposed to them.

“It is especially important for people with pre-existing arrow wounds, or whose flesh is particularly susceptible to sharp projectiles, to remain inside cowering under a hard, impenetrable layer of stone, or at least behind a shield,” spake Archchairsitter of Volleys and Barrages Sir Thoon Flangarrett. “If you cannot seek appropriate cover, then at least try to die conveniently close to the graveyard so ‘tis easier to move thy body.”

The arrow volleys hath wafted down from the North, as the evil forces of that frozen wasteland hath penetrated further into Realmish territory. Experts say the dire air quality wrought by these Northern archers is the worst the Kingdom has seen since that tyme a bunch of dragons flew in and burned everything down.

The arrowy skies pose risks not just to the health of the Kingdom’s denizens, but to its businesses as well.

“I was forced to close down the outdoor patio of me tavern after too many customers complained about being killed by arrows,” spake innkeeper Lefwerd Innekeep. “Methinks I shan’t e’er be able to make up for the lost profits, let alone clean up the bloodstains. Although many of the bloodstains were already there from everyday tavern activities.”

The air quality index doth vary across regions. Many areas have been upgraded from “some arrows” to “many arrows” or even “tyme to pray,” whilst regions on the southern periphery remain at the “trebuchet projectiles and occasional night raids” level.

“If you do have to go outside, be sure to wear thick armour and have a bunch of peasants walk around you to absorb any bad air,” spake Flangarrett. “Surrounding thyself on all sides with really tall, sturdy peasants would be ideal.”

In other news: This wonderful map of mythical beasts of Wales, by u/NeilParkinsonMakes on reddit:

They also have an instagram [at] pucaprinthouse