Jobs Report: Everyone Still Doing Whatever Their Last Name Is

The numbers doth not lie

Coworkers Claude Mason, Geoff Mason, Leland Ropescratcher, and Heath Guywithbucket doing their jobs. (J. Paul Getty Museum)

A new jobs report from the Royal Ministry of Toil and Drudgery hath revealed that pretty much everyone in the Kingdom is still doing whatever their last name is.

“The results were about what we expected, given that social mobility isn’t really a thing that exists,” spake Nedwell Report-Compiler, a contributor to the report. “This is great news if thy surname is Baron, Duchess, or Rich-Affluentman. Pretty terrible news for most everybody else.”

The Ministry compiles the report quarterly, not so much to provide useful information to job seekers as to remind The King’s subjects of their lot in lyfe.

“The numbers don’t change much quarter-to-quarter. I think that really highlights the resilience of our social system, which I just happen to be very near the top of,” spake Prince Otto Princely. “I welcome anyone whose last name is Argues-with-princes to debate me on this point.”

Whilst most subjects are still doing whatever petty career hath been assigned them by their surname, Report-Compiler admits there are some outliers.

“There is one mason whose last name is Carpenter,” he said, “but we think he might be a bastard. And, of course, every quarter there are a number of unfortunate souls named King who have to be executed for trying to nominally usurp the throne.”

Elsewhere in the report:

• Total non-fief employment increased by four percent this quarter, likely due to an increase in people named Blacksmith, Merchant, and Tavernwench.

• Employment numbers for womyn were still bleak, as they should be given that womyn are not allowed to have last names or jobs (the exception being Tavernwenches).

• Wages for peasants remained stable at nothing.

• 10,000 jobs were added in the mining industry after some miners accidentally awakened a subterranean monster and the entire mountain collapsed on them.

• We still have no idea what a “Scientist” is so we just levied them all into the army.

In other news, this chart on stereotypes Europeans had about each other in the 18th century (from Reddit via Astral Codex Ten):