8 Maleficent Omens to Repurpose as Last-Minute Fall Decorations
Easy DIY craft ideas for anyone currently being cursed
Autumn ist upon us, and ‘tis tyme for season-appropriate spooktacular decorations. But the crux of fall, Hallow’s Eve, ist fast approaching, and what is one to do if one hast forgotten to adorn one’s hovel for the occasion?
Lucky for thee, chances are you have been or currently are being haunted by any number of sinister omens. With a little creativity, many of these evil portents can be put to quick use around the house.
Herein be some of our favourite maleficent omens to repurpose as last-minute fall decorations.
1. The Sinister Fog Enshrouding Thy E’ery Move
Mayhaps no weather reminds us of fall more than the thick grey fog which cloaks the land for miles in all directions and casts thine existence into a bleak and permanent desolation. The neighbours might complain, but you won’t be able to see or hear them through the impenetrable death mist.
2. Headless Guy in Thy Backyard
The rustic charm of this decapitated man shall be the talk of the village. Extra points if he’s been reanimated by a necromancer, carries a flaming jack-o-lantern, and/or drags the souls of a few trick-or-treaters to the underworld.
3. 10,000 Crows That Blot Out the Sun
No fall adornment is complete without a murder of crows that blackens the skies and turns the day into eternal night. If you’re lucky enough to have 10,000 crows circling overhead, litter thy lawn with carrion to try and keep them there at least until early November.
Do thy best to keep their interminable cawing down after evening prayer to respect the neighbourhood’s quiet hours.
4. Pestilence
Okay, folks, this one is not a decoration per se. But the heaps of boil-ridden bodies it shall leave in its wake will be.
5. A Skeleton from László’s Discount Bone Emporium
Who said real human bones lying about thy porch is bad luck? If thou art looking for bones on a budget, László’s has thee covered!
Craniums, jawbones, sternums, and femurs.
A skeleton from László’s is sure to be a screamer!1
6. Tree That Commits Murder
The murder tree might be annoying to have in thy yard year-round, but don’t call the arborist just yet. The tree that commits murder is sure to offer a fright to anyone quick enough to see it coming before it crushes them in its cold barky death grip. Just keep it separated from the headless guy in thy backyard, because we think it was probably involved in that.
7. The Black Cat That Is Always Critical About Thy Lack of Ambition
We’ve all had a black cat sitting in our windowsill constantly telling us we’ll never amount to anything and that, if we had only worked a little harder and shown the slightest bit of initiative at work, things could have turned out differently.
Instead of brooding in darkness with the doleful knowledge that the bad luck cat is right, use it as a Hallow’s Eve decoration and let it ruin someone else’s self-confidence.
8. Miscellaneous Harbingers
There’s always a few random harbingers lying around harbinging doom, death, decay, and other ominous fall activities. Might as well put them to goode use and hang them up around the house.
Honourable Mention
A She-Wolf, Facing North
Voice of an Olde Crone Whispering Latin Incantations in Thine Ear at Night
Candy with Halberds in It
The Inquisition
Gross Pumpkins Covered in Warts and Shyt
Note: This article ist sponsored by László’s Discount Bone Emporium. This post doth contain affiliate links, which means Ye Olde Tyme News may obtain a commission from any bones subsequently purchased thereabouts.
My lord, may I offer my services as the most well-armored arborist in the land? I can handle all murderous foliage from ill-tempered weeds nigh on to villainous hardwoods. I even clean up the bodies of our dead apprentices and most of their dismembered parts.
I almost forgot to toss the carrion out on the lawn. Thanks for the reminder.
Wishing thou a frightful Halloween!