What be this tawdry publickation?

Ye Olde Tyme News doth provide medieval fantasy satire news to the many peoples and creatures of the Realm.

We publish the Kingdom’s breaking news on lowly peasants and highborn princes, on dark magick and merry fellowships. We publish tales of quests, of glorious battles, of mythical creatures, and more! Our publickation offers advyce on how to live thy best lyfe in our modern world of serfdom, knights, dragons and plague.

The main types of content thou can expect are 1) Parody news articles and advyce columns, 2) Short stories, 3) Cartoons, and 4) Actual history articles, typically about the Middle Ages, although by no means limited to that fyne period (henceforth referred to as “Addenda”).

For the new reader, start with:

Short Stories:

• Sir Geoff and the Quest to Go on a Quest

• The Mouse Who Wanted to Be a Knight

• Bogmother

• The Prophet

• The Seeker

Articles:

• Non-Confrontational Strategies for Introverts to Win Back Their Ancestral Homelands from the Dark Elves

• “I Am as Fertile as the Loamy Soils,” and Other Things to Shout in Publick to Attract a Suitor

• Monk Airs Beef with Other Monk in Latest Gregorian Diss Chant

• If Thy New Year’s Resolution Is to Lose Weight Then Thou Art in Luck Because Barbarians Just Burned Our Crops

• What an Idiot: Cuthbert Said a Dragon Is Eating His Family When ‘Tis Clearly a Wyvern

• Reduction in Plague Cases Devastates Bird Mask Industry

Dear Dark Lord Letters:

• Dear Dark Lord: Sorcerer on the Sidelines

• Dear Dark Lord: Minion Searching for Meaning

• Dear Dark Lord: I Just Found Out That “Evil” Means We’re the Bad Guys

• Dear Dark Lord: Henchmen These Days Aren’t As Blindly Obedient As They Used To Be

Addenda:

• Men (and Women) Who Row

• Do You Work More Than a Medieval Peasant?

• Bog Bodies

• Jester’s Privilege

We also have a shoppe:

Shoppe

Whyso subscribeth?

Firstly, ‘tis required by Royal Decree.

Secondly, ‘tis a wondrous way to support an independent jester-scribe, gather a few laughs, and mayhaps even learn something in the process. With rare exception, all posts are available for free (All of thy belongings already be the rightful property of The King, so He hath no reason to charge thee further).

However, if thou dost wish to support this humble scrivener, please consider becoming a paid subscriber.

Fill the Royal Coffers

Whoso Scriveneth?

This esteemed satire publickation be the creation of a lone but valiant scribe by the name of Jan Lionsnest, who serves as Ye Royal Scrivener of Letters to The King. Ye Royal Scrivener of Letters is unfortunately cursed with the burden of a “day jobbe,” and he writes these articles for fun whilst he’s not plowing the fields. If our publickation frequency seems inconsistent, this is the reason, though we try to publish a new story two or three tymes per week.

Many of the Kingdom’s literate lords and ladies hath also seen fit to publish in these vaunted pages. If thou thinkest thy scrivenings are of such a quality as to appear in Ye Olde Tyme News, see our Submissions page.

What Holds the Future?

Only Fate shall determine that.

But some things we long for in the future are to:

• Launch a paid option for the newsletter. Mission accomplished.

• Pay contributors for their published submissions. We currently do not have enough coin in our coffers to pay contributors for their stories, but would very much like to in the future. Once we levy a loyal band of paid subscribers, this shall be of the utmost priority.

• Publish more, especially longer stories and a greater variety of them.

• Publish print and/or e-bookes. We hath a few things in the works to this end, so beeth thee on the lookout.

Finally, the best way to support Ye Olde Tyme News is to share it far and wide and tell thy friends to subscribe. We beseech thee to do so. Long Live The King!

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