Are You Flogging Your Workers Too Much, Not Enough, or the Right Amount but With the Wrong Type of Flogging Stick?

Taketh the quiz and find out!

Management hard at work. (Nuremberg Chronicle, Library of Congress)

The flogging stick ist an essential part of any overlord’s repertoire — especially when other incentives like pay or death are impractical. But getting thy flagellation ratio correct beeth a thorny business. Flog thy peasants too hard and they will be too weakened to plough thy fields. Flog them not enough and they will laugh in thy noble face, haughtily displaying their unflogged backs for all the fief to see. Use the wrong type of flogging stick and the results can be random and unpredictable, not to mention out of compliance with modern employee flagellation regulations.

Taketh this quiz to find out if you are flogging your underlings too much, not enough, or the right amount but with the wrong type of flogging stick.

1 - Describe thy flogging stick.

A. A spiked iron club with poison barbs dipped in badger venom.

B. A flaccid rod passed down from my father, a flaccid man.

C. A floppy elongated contraption I found in my wife’s boudoir.

2 - Do thine underlings often jest about thy flogging stick?

A. Not after I flog them in the face, they don’t.

B. Only in hushed tones, lest I become self conscious about its flaccidity.

C. They jest, jockle, and jape, for flogging tyme is the funnest tyme of day!

3 - How many lashes dost thou give each peasant for breakfast.

A. As many as it takes until my hate is satiated, or six. Whichever is greater.

B. None. I give them food.

C. Thrice upon the rump. They say it tickles.

4 - Hast thou received employee feedback on thy flogging policy?

A. Nay. The penalty for providing feedback is too harsh a flogging.

B. A peasant once told me my flogging policy was flaccid. So I flogged him and he laughed in my face.

C. Am I supposed to have a flogging policy? We prefer not to have one in writing, but to let the emotions of the day carry us where they may.

5 - Is thy flogging tied to any productivity metrics?

A. Yea. Total number of floggings have gone way up.

B. Low performers get flogged. It doesn’t seem to affect the metrics either way.

C. Low performers get flogged. High performers also get flogged. Exceptionally high performers get to flog me.

6 - Dost thou perform the flogging thyself, or dost thou employ a team of specialized flogging engineers to do the deed?

A. I flog until I am exhausted and can flog no longer. Then the engineers take over. If they do a poor job, then I hire a new team of flogging engineers to flog the olde flogging engineers.

B. I hired a man who claimed to be a flogging engineer, but all he does is sit around all day pondering. I’m worried he actually might be a philosopher.

C. ‘Tis a team effort. We all flog each other ‘til the sun sinks low.

Ye Results

Mostly As. Thou art flogging thy peasants too much. Whilst flogging is an important part of any fiefdom’s employee relations strategy, thine insistence on grinding their flesh into dust likely needs to be scaled back a bit.

Mostly Bs. Thou art not flogging thy peasants enough. Thine employees shall neither fear nor respect thee ‘til thou bringest out the birch. It will take a concerted effort of flogging strategies, flogging policies, and flogging implementation plans to get back on track.

Mostly Cs. The frequency with which you flog your employees seems to be correct, but you may want to consider flogging them with something less playful and ticklish.