Is He Playing Hard to Get, or Is He a Teutonic Knight Who Hath Sworn a Vow of Chastity and Utterly Spurned Womyn?

Take ye quizze and find out!

The fact that he is e’er departing for the field of battle doth not necessarily mean he’s not into thee. (Edmund Leighton, Wikimedia Commons)

Many a noble lady hath been in a relationship with a knight who seems indifferent. His detached attitude makes thee wonder if he is not that into thee, or if he is otherwise the member of a military order that hath scorned all womyn as foul agents of the devil.  

But just because he seems cold and distant and is constantly on a military campaign to acquire gold and arable land doth not mean he doesn’t have feelings for thee. ‘Tis quite possible he is just playing hard to get.

Taketh the quizze below to find out if thy man is playing hard to get, or if he is a Teutonic knight who hath sworn a vow of chastity and utterly spurned womyn.    

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Does he return thy gaze when thou casts amorous glances in his direction in the village square?

A. Nay, but he orders his squire to nod in thy direction on his behalf.

B. Nay. He blots out his eyes with spices from the East, drops to his knees, and recites seventy paternosters at the mere sight of she-flesh in his peripherals.

At the tournament thou presents him with a garland of aster and gardenia, symbolizing the dainty yet secretive love thou shares with him. What does he do?

A. Accepts it with a sensual aloofness, but utters not a word lest he betray his uncouth desire for thy hand and thy dowry.

B. Punches himself in the crotch and retreats on his steed.

Is his past shrouded in sinister mystery?

A. Nay. ‘Tis true he is reluctant to discuss matters of his past, but it seems to be shrouded primarily in normal non-sinister mystery.

B. The fog that enshrouds his past is darker than the blackest night. Admittedly, there is something sexy about this.  

How long does it take him to respond to one of thy dignified missives (DMs)?

A. 14 days, which is slightly longer than the standard flight tyme for a carrier pigeon betwixt his castle and thine, implying he is purposely delaying his response. 

B. He ne’er responds personally, nor e’en reads thy DMs. But after a fortnight his squire sends thee a woodcut of him punching himself in the crotch as penance for almost communicating with a womyn. 

Does he gape at other womyn in thy presence?

A. Yea. I have oft seen his wayward eyes drift towards a wench’s ankle, or e’en a nape. Possibly this is an attempt to make thee jealous.

B. Nay. He only looks at monks.

What is his living situation?

A. An idyllic castle surrounded by a flower-strewn meadow, where he no doubt spends the days riding and pondering how he shall one day work up the courage to confess his love for thee.

B. A bare room hewn of stone, sealed behind the walls of a consecrated fortress with 4,000 other dudes. 

What does he do when thou asks him out on a stroll throughst the meadow?

A. Says he’s busy but proposes an alternate strolling tyme at a meadow of his own choosing.

B. Punches himself in the crotch and goes on crusade for 15 years.

Ye Results

Mostly A’s. Ladies, thy knight in shining armour is most certainly playing hard to get. His sensual aloofness, delayed responses to thy DMs, constant changing of strolling plans, and unmoored eyes indicate he is still interested in thee, but he is playing games and wants to make it a challenge. If he doesn’t betroth thee soon, flash him a little ankle or wrist now and again to remind him what he is missing.

Mostly B’s. Unfortunately, the lover thou so desires is a Teutonic knight that hath sworn a vow of chastity and utterly spurned womyn. If thou desperately yearns for a piece of his cod, thine only choice is to raise an army, lay siege to his castle, overthrow the Teutonic order, and kidnap him as thy love prisoner. No small order, but it may be worth it for love and/or lust.