What be this tawdry publickation?

Ye Olde Tyme News doth provide medieval fantasy satire news to the many peoples and creatures of the Realm. ‘Twas begun as a page on the Instantaneous Graham (@yeoldetymenews), but lo! that platform proved unfit for longer form content, and thusly this newsletter was born.

We publish the Kingdom’s breaking news on lowly peasants and highborn princes, on dark magick and merry fellowships. We publish tales of quests, of glorious battles, mythical creatures, and more! Our publickation offers advyce on how to live thy best lyfe in our modern world of serfdom and knights and dragons and plague.

For the new reader, we recommend:

Short Stories:

News and Advyce:

Dear Dark Lord Letters:

Many of our stories also contain a non-satirical historical addendum to accompany the article. Some favourites are (scroll to the “Addendum” section of each article):

We also have a shoppe:

Shoppe

Also, in case thou art a knavish dullard, nothing here is real. All is merely told in jest for the mirth of His Majesty’s loyal subjects.

Whoso Scriveneth?

This esteemed satire publickation be the creation of a lone but valiant scribe by the name of Jan Lionsnest, who serves as Ye Royal Scrivener of Letters to The King. Ye Royal Scrivener of Letters is unfortunately cursed with the burden of a “day jobbe,” and he writes these articles for fun whilst he’s not plowing the fields. If our publickation frequency seems inconsistent, this is the reason, though we try to publish a new story two or three tymes per week.

Many of the Kingdom’s literate lords and ladies hath also seen fit to publish in these vaunted pages. If thou thinkest thy scrivenings are of such a quality as to appear in Ye Olde Tyme News, see our “Submissions” section below.

Whyso subscribeth?

Firstly, ‘tis required by Royal Decree. Secondly, ‘tis free! All of thy belongings be already the rightful property of The King, so He hath no reason to charge thee further!

In addition, His Majesty shall oft publish longer form content hereabouts than on social media, such as short stories, real historical accountings, and other fyne musings which be too great lengthwise for other platforms. We shall continue to bring thee the Kingdom’s fynest news on the Instantaneous Graham, but this newsletter also beeth a place to experiment with newe things.

We don’t run ads or sell thy email addresses to advertisers. We simply enjoy bringing The King’s glorious news to thine eyes.

Subscribeth to ye newsletter posthaste!

Submissions

So thou art a learnéd scribe who wishes thy letters to appear on The King’s pages? Moste wondrous!

Ye Royal Scrivener of Letters very much enjoys publishing submissions from his fellow scribes. Simply:

  1. Email at least 3 headline ideas in the body of the email to scribe@yeoldetymenews.com.

  2. Include:

    • Name (or pen name) and medieval jobbe title (e.g., Throne Buffer Cuthbert Thronebuffer)

    • Instagram and Twitter handles (if thou desires to be tagged)

    • A 1-2 line bio in medieval speak. Thou may include a link to thy website/portfolio

    • Whither thou desires to write the full articles or submit only the headlines

If we decide thine ideas are of a quality to appear on these pages, we shall let thee know and work with thee to make that happen. Either way, one can expect to hear back from Ye Royal Scrivener of Letters within a fortnight.

His Majesty takes pleasure in helping up-and-coming scribes get published in His Name, and we shall credit thee appropriately. If thou wouldst like to submit headlines but thou art too slothful to write full articles, this be fyne as well. Simply lettest us know, and we shall write the accompanying articles but shall still give thee credit for the headlines.

But be thee warned: His Majesty’s Voice ist highly specifick, and as such we rarely accept an article or headline “as is.” Howe’er, we shall work with thee to refine thy ideas so they may best fit the voice of the site. Whilst we cannot offer pay for thy toils at this tyme, wehopes that in the future this may be a possibility.

What Holds the Future?

Only Fate shall determine that.

But some things we long for in the future are to:

  • Launch a paid option for the newsletter. The newsletter is currently free for all, and we intend to always keep it so for the vast majority of articles. But some form of income would allow Ye Royal Scrivener of Letters to focus more on writing, as well as…

  • Pay contributors for their published submissions. We currently do not have enough coin in our coffers to pay contributors for their stories, but would very much like to in the future. If and when we launch a paid option, this shall be our first priority.

  • Publish more, especially longer stories and a greater variety of them.

  • Publish print and/or e-bookes. We hath a few things in the works to this end, so beeth thee on the lookout.

Finally, the best way to support Ye Olde Tyme News is to share it far and wide and tell thy friends to subscribe. We beseech thee to do so. Long Live The King!

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