What be this tawdry publickation?
Ye Olde Tyme News doth provide medieval fantasy satire news to the many peoples and creatures of the Realm. ‘Twas begun as a page on the Instantaneous Graham (@yeoldetymenews) and hath since expanded to a website and newsletter.
We publish all of the Kingdom’s breaking news on lowly peasants and highborn princes, on dark magick and merry fellowships. We publish news on quests, and glorious battles, and mythical creatures, and more! Our publickation also offers advyce on how to live thy best lyfe in our modern world of serfdom and knights and dragons and plague. For some examples, see:
This esteemed satire publickation be primarily created by a lone but valiant scribe named Jan Lionsnest, who serves as Ye Royal Scrivener of Letters to The King, although many of the Kingdom’s literate lords and ladies hath also seen fit to publish in its pages. (Indeed, if thou thinkest thy scrivenings are of such quality as to appear on Ye Olde Tyme News, email at least 3 headlines to firstname.lastname@example.org. More info below.) Jan Lionsnest is unfortunately cursed with the burden of a “day jobbe,” and he writes these articles for fun whilst he’s not plowing the fields.
The newsletter wast originally sent out fortnightly, but we hath increased our rate of publickation so thou mayest feast thine eyes upon His Majesty’s Glory multiple tymes per week.
Finally, in case thou art a knavish dullard, nothing here is real. All is merely told in jest for the mirth of His Majesty’s loyal subjects. Or is it?
Firstly, ‘tis required by Royal Decree. Secondly, ‘tis free! All of thy belongings be already the rightful property of The King, so He hath no reason to charge thee further!
In addition, His Majesty shall oft publish longer form content hereabouts, such as short stories and other fyne musings, which be too great lengthwise for other platforms. We shall continue to bring thee the Kingdom’s fynest news on the Instantaneous Graham, but this newsletter also beeth a place to experiment with newe things.
We don’t run ads or sell thy email addresses to advertisers. We simply enjoy bringing The King’s glorious news to thine eyes.
Subscribeth to ye newsletter posthaste!
So thou art a learnéd scribe who wishes thy letters to appear on The King’s pages? Moste wondrous!
Ye Royal Scrivener of Letters very much enjoys publishing submissions from his fellow scribes. Simply:
Email at least 3 headline ideas in the body of the email to email@example.com.
Name/pen name and medieval jobbe title (e.g., Throne Buffer Cuthbert Thronebuffer)
Instagram and Twitter handles (if thou desires to be tagged)
A 1-2 line bio in medieval speak. Thou may include a link to thy website/portfolio
Whither thou desires to write the full articles or submit only the headlines
If we decide thine ideas are of a quality to appear on these pages, we shall let thee know and work with thee to make that happen. Either way, one can expect to hear back from Ye Royal Scrivener of Letters within a fortnight.
His Majesty takes pleasure in helping up-and-coming scribes get published in His Name, and we shall credit thee appropriately. If thou wouldst like to submit headlines but thou art too slothful to write full articles, this be fyne as well. Simply lettest us know, and we shall write the accompanying articles but shall still give thee credit for the headlines.
But be thee warned: His Majesty’s Voice ist highly specifick, and as such we rarely accept an article or headline “as is.” Howe’er, we shall work with thee to refine thy ideas so they may best fit the voice of the site. Whilst we cannot offer pay for thy toils at this tyme, wehopes that in the future this may be a possibility.