Plague Superspreader? This Rat Just Killed Like Half the Continent

As the plague ravages the Kingdom, His Majesty’s lowly subjects are apt to talk about “superspreaders,” events or personages that spread this vile dis-ease prodigiously.

But just what is a superspreader? And how doth one identify them so one canst avoid them, or at least douse oneself in holy water before coming into contact with them to keep the plague at bay?

Some hath accused the rat named Sir Nibbleos of being a superspreader, seeing as he clearly hath the plague, he insists on crawling ‘round the crowded city streets night and day, and he hath already killed like half the continent. But at the same tyme, ‘tis his body, so who are we to tell him not to ride westward on a merchant ship bringing this horrid pestilence to all the land?

Mine Flea-Infested Body, Mine Flea-Infested Choice

‘Tis a controversial situation. Many rats hath claimed that ‘tis their right to wallow in flea-infested filth then go to a crowded market square, regardless of whether this causes the skin of everyone present to burst out in crippling boils.

“I hath done mine own research, and needless to say I’m skeptical of the Royal Surgeon’s recommendations to use leeches to cure everything,” sayeth Sir Nibbleos. “Who is the Royal Surgeon to tell me which types of putrid sewage water I can or cannot wallow in before I go to the tavern?”

“‘Tis my body and I shall spread the plague if I so choose.”

Many Blemmyes — those well-known humanoid creatures with faces on their torsos — hath also joined the rats’ cause, mainly due to the difficulty of wearing bird masks on their grotesque chest-faces.

This coalition ist now speaking out against the Kingdom’s policy of mandatory leechings for all those who hath come in contact with the plague, as well as other medickal decrees. Their main arguments are threefold:

  • All rats, Blemmyes, and other creatures shouldst have the right to choose whether to apply leeches to their plague boils or not;

  • Creatures with faces on grotesque parts of their bodies shouldst not have to wear plague masks because there’s just really no way to make that work;

  • Travel in the damp and fetid hulls of merchant ships from the East shouldst continue as normal.

The group hath called on other rats to take up their cause as well. But whither it shall catch on remains to be seen.

“If rats worried less about the impending societal collapse brought on by the plague and more about just being rats, things wouldst be better,” sayeth Sir Nibbleos. “After all, being disgusting vectors of disease and death is what lyfe is all about.”

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