Review: Books. Nobody Knows How to Read Them but They Smell Nice

Ever since books started taking the Kingdom by storm, His Majesty’s subjects hath all been thinking the same thing: “None of us knoweth how to read, but they certainly smell nice.”

In truth, just because thou art an ignorant peasant for whom learning things ist illegal doth not mean thou cann’t taketh a whiff of a book from tyme to tyme. If thy local scribe flips to the right page, thou may even be able to gaze upon some pictures! Although, ‘tis likely thou art so dull that thou wilt be dumbfounded as to how such human and animal figures were cast onto the page, and confused as to why they don’t move or speak.

Here be our review of books. Just don’t let it give thee any ideas about learning to read!

Texture

The book we reviewed seemed to be bound in fyne shepskin leather. ‘Twas smooth to the touch, although wethinks they forgot to fully sheer the sheep because the backside wast still a bit furry. B+

Readability

We have no idea how to read and are merely dictating this review to a scribe, so hard to make an accurate judgment here. D+

Odor

Raw and musty, with a slight hint of barley and stale beer where the scribe spilt his ale upon page six. Unclear if the scent is unique to the book or not, because pretty much everything in this world smells like that. But ‘tis a goode smell, nonetheless. A

Cost

It seems unlikely they’re for sale, since all learning ist restricted to the minds of a very few and ist strictly controlled by the government. We don’t have any money anywise. C

Imagery

Lots of pictures of rabbits doing battle with dogges, and naked men’s pœnises. The monks always seem to be into those sorts of things. A- for the rabbits, F for the pœnises.

Overall

As predicted, we were thoroughly baffled by just about everything we saw in books. But the raw and musty stale ale smell reminded us of the tavern, which is a fyne thing to think of because the tavern is our only reprieve from the days of endless toil. A-