Not Fair: Leofric Courts All the Fairest Maidens Just Because He Shreds on the Dulcimer

Harps are cool, too. Right ladies?

After the band’s moste recent performance at the shire faire, the other members of the Gooseberrybardsmen were upset that their dulcimer player Leofric once again courted all the fairest maidens, whilst the rest of them courted nought.

“Getteth not me wrong, Leofric totally shreds,” sayeth pipe-and-drum player Gruffydd. “We just wish some of his groupies wouldst recognize the value that the rest of us bring to the band, too.”

‘Tis long been known that the sweet sound of the hammered dulcimer doth unshackle the chains on a maiden’s chastity belt like no other instrument. But other members of the band sayeth the Gooseberrybardsmen’s sound ist just as dependent on the harp, horn, and drums as on the dulcimer.

“Sure, Leofric ist always going to hog the limelight with his eleven-minute wailing dulcimer solos and roisterous theatrics,” sayeth hornblower Marque. “But our sound wouldst not be the same without my incessant and somewhat random horn tooting in the background.”

Leofric argues that his ability to court maidens ist merely a consequence of the raw energy he brings to his dulcimer riffs. Indeed, he hath become so well knownst in the troubadour scene that he hath e’en considered breaking from the band to launch a solo project.

“I just feel like the band ist holding me back creatively, ye know?” sayeth Leofric. “Daye after daye, we play the same olde songs about being drunk in the pub or drunk on the farm.

“‘Tis reasonable, since those are the only things the majority of the population understands. But ‘twould be nice to sing about being drunk in a castle or something for once.”