How to Downsize Thy Fief With Only a Minor Risk of Causing a Peasant Revolt

Eliminating wasteful peasants hath ne'er been so simple!

Firing these fools doth not have to cause a rebellion.

Efficiency beeth the word of the day. From the Northlands all the way to the Nether Realm, lords are seeking ways to cut down on costs to fund much needed ne’erending blood feuds against their enemies.

But those discourteous peasants — e’er rabbling about a “living wage” and “not dying of famine” — tend to rebel at the first word of downsizing. Inefficient thralls that they are, they cannot comprehend the economick benefits of subjecting most of the population to forced, unpaid labour and/or throwing them into the meat-grinder of siege warfare.

But if thou art an innovative lord seeking to streamline thy fiefdom’s operations, fear not! For here are some tried-and-true tips for increasing efficiency on thy fief which shall bring only a minor risk of causing a peasant revolt.

1. Changeth the Narrative

Many peasants fear the ills that await them if they are banished from thy demesne and forced to wander the wilderness alone in shame. But a simple shift of the narrative during a downsizing can lay their worries to rest.

You are not “eliminating wages and casting thy peasants hopelessly into the wilds,” you are merely “creating new opportunities for them to thrive in the wilds sector.”

2. Severance packages

If thy peasants are growing uproarious about the prospeckt of jobbe cuts, a generous severance package may be in order. Sever their hands, feet, or even their heads, and this will greatly limit their ability to rebel.

3. Offer a Bridge Program

Oft the hardest part of eliminating employees is getting them physically off thy fief and across the gushing waters of the River Ebbwyr. Prior to announcing cuts, have thy peasants build a bridge spanning the river (for no extra pay of course). Then, as soon as they’re on the other side, burn the bridge so they have no way of getting back across.

4. Dull Their Pitchforks Beforehand

Or better yet, confiscate all the pointed and flammable objects on the fief. This won’t prevent rebellion outright, but it will at least make the unruly peons easier to slaughter during the counter-rebellion.

5. Put Their Angst to Goode Use

Sometimes ‘tis impossible to avoid the pitchforks and torches coming out. If this be the case, you merely have to find an adequate target to which thy peasants can direct their anger. Blame the jobbe cuts on the Dark Lord, or a neighbouring baron, or the Welsh. With any luck they will burn down someone else’s castle and die in the process. A win-win!

6. Retraining

Just because thy fief is no longer offering to pay its labourers doth not mean that there aren’t plenty of other opportunities out there for lowborne swine. Retrain thy peasants to find new jobbes as unpaid serfs, court eunuchs, or arrow targets.

7. Mass Beheadings

If all else fails, a mass execution of thy nonessential labourers always works. As they say in lord school, “A dead peasant is an obedient peasant!” Just be sure to spare enough of them to dispose of the bodies afterwards.

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