There be no surer sign of one’s wealth and status than one’s ability to wield a different garish and outrageously expensive scepter for every occasion.
Whether a fancy gala scepter for lavish brandishing at the Royal Ball, a daunting power scepter for sitting on thy throne and issuing decrees, or a simple day-to-day sauntering scepter for strolling round the promenade looking down thy nose at the lesserthans, ‘tis important to obnoxiously flaunt thy wealth in everyone’s face constantly.
But is there a limit to how many ostentatious jewel-encrusted scepters one should own? Where doth one draw the line? Art thou spending too much of thy tyme chasing scepters when thou shouldst be focusing on castles and war spoils?
‘Tis All About Balance
A wise man once said that we cannot have it all, for all is technically the property of The King and He already hath it all in perpetuity by law. But we can find balance in those things that we do have.
If thou already hast, say, twenty golden scepters lined with rubies and rare gemstones, mayhaps ‘tis tyme for thee to focus thine efforts on maximizing the productivity of thy barley-growing landholdings, instead of on acquiring more scepters. Whereas if thy landholdings are already amongst the most productive in the Realm but thou only owns five scepters, maybe thou should focus thine efforts on broadening thy scepter repertoire.
Every nobleman ist different, and thy sceptering needs will vary based on thy particular level of affluence and prestige. However, there are some tricks to help thee figure out how many extravagant solid gold scepters thou should possess.
How to Calculate Thine Ideal Number of Scepters
There be many ways to calculate thine ideal number of scepters. The simplest is to multiply the hectarage of thy feudal possessions by a factor associated with thy noble title, then divide by the number of elegant velvet cloaks thou wears on the average day. For example, a Baron (nobility factor = 1.5) who lords over 100 oxgang of tillable land and wears 8 different cloaks per day should own 18.75 scepters.
By the same maths, an Earl (nobility factor = 3) with the same amount of land and cloakage should own 37.5 scepters.
Of course, there’s always plenty of other factors to consider, such as thy propensity to break a scepter over the skull of thy War Councilor when he gives thee blunderous strategic advice, and making sure thy scepters match thy pointy shoes. But the formula ist a goode baseline.
Wehopes this article helped thee decide how many ostentatious jewel-encrusted scepters is right for thee. All of us nobles have unique requirements for our flamboyant publick displays of wealth and power, and ‘tis important we get it right.
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