Fun Uses for Hot Milk if Thou Couldst Afford Heat or Milk

(Thou cann't)

There be naught like a bowl of scalding milk to warm one’s soul on a cool eve. But if thou art like us, then thou knows this not, for thou can barely afford gruel to feed thy eleven-and-a-half children, let alone creamy and delicious milk and a warming fire.

But one can dream.

Here be some fun things thou couldst have used hot milk for if thou couldst afford heat or milk.


A classic use use for hot milk ist to drink it, of course! The nobles say that drinking milk maketh their skin fair and their bones strong. But be thee wares, for thy bilious peasant bowels are not accustomed to such fineries, and thou wilt in all likelihood die of dysentery.


What be this delicacy called “cheeſe,” thou asks? Worry thyself not with such things and return to toiling in the fields. If thou knows not what cheeſe is then thou probably can’t afford it, or otherwise its consumption is legally confined to the nobility.

Lulling the Wolves Outside Thy Door to Sleep

The wolves are ever encroaching outside thy hovel in the night, looking for a moment of weakness when they can devour thy family without mercy. But if thou leavest a bowl of hot milk outside thy gate, mayhaps they will drink of it and be lulled to sleep. This shall buy thee one more day of life before they return tomorrow hungry for blood.

Use as a Gruel Thickener

Tired of eating cold, watery gruel for literally every meal? Hot milk can be used as both thickener and flavour enhancer for thy peasantly meals. But eat it while ‘tis hot, for thy fire is quickly dying down and all thy village’s useable firewood hath already been taken by the army for use in the War.