Is Thy Job as Grand Inquisitor Hurting Thy Social Life?
Even Inquisitors need some work-life balance
‘Tis difficult for many Inquisitors to maintain a healthy work-life balance, especially so for those near the top of the Inquisitorial hierarchy. Too often these esteemed torturers of heathens find themselves working long nights and weekends hunting down heretics in the hinterlands and flaying their skin when they refuse to accept the Lord into their hearts.
Whilst ‘tis noble work, it can taketh a toll on thy social relationships. Even when thou finally hast a chance to kick back and relax, thou may find thy so-called “friends” are apt to hold their tongues, seeing as thou art likely to torture and kill them for blasphemy regardless of what comes out of their mouths.
Here be some signs to watch out for which may indicate thy job as Grand Inquisitor hath been hurting thy social life.
Everyone Cowers or Flees Before Thee
If thou hast noticed that as thou walks through the city streets all human beings tend to flee in terror or otherwise cower out of sight in a dark alley lest thou hast the opportunity to put them to an Inquisiting, ‘tis likely this is related to thy job as Grand Inquisitor. It can be hard to meet up with friends when thy mere presence causes all the townsfolk to board their windows and close their shoppes in fear.
If this be the case, next tyme thou plans on going out send some plain-clothes Inquisitors ahead of thee to round up a few townspeople before they have the opportunity to flee. This way they shall have no choice but to bid thee goode morning!
Thou Can’t Attend a Party Without Subjecting Someone to Thumbscrews
To maintain a work-life balance, ‘tis important thou dost not bring thy work home with thee. If thou finds that thou can’t so much as attend a party without subjecting one of the partygoers to thumbscrew torture, chances are thou needs to take a step back.
Horrifying torture ist generally considered a buzzkill at social gatherings. If someone at the party says or does something worthy of torture, simply add them to The List so thou can round them up and torture them tomorrow, then try to enjoy thyself for the remainder of the night.
Most of Thy Conversations Are Forced Confessions
Sometimes thou may think thou art having a casual conversation with a friend, but then thou realizes he is strapped to the rack and thou art forcing him to admit under extreme duress that he is secretly a pagan. If most of thy conversations go this way, this be a clear sign that thy role as Grand Inquisitor is encroaching on thy social life.
All Thy Friends Are Also Inquisitors
One needs to branch out and meet people from all sectors of the persecutorial arts. If thou finds that all thy friends are fellow Inquisitors, mayhaps ‘tis tyme to broaden thy social network. There be plenty of other executioners, gaolers, and ruthless clergymen whom thou can befriend. Who knows, maybe they can even teach thee a thing or two about smiting heretics!
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