Dear Dark Lord: I Just Found Out That “Evil” Means We’re the Bad Guys
Major wake-up call
Dear Dark Lord,
I’ve been working in the Evil sector for, gosh, I can’t even remember how long. Over the course of countless years spent as a brigade commander in the Army of Darkness, I’ve been a dedicated spreader of the Vileness. It has been my solemn duty to bring Evil to the many peoples of the Realm, be they elves, or dwarves, or men, or otherwise. Every soul has a right to be subdued by the Darkness, and I’ve made sure they get a chance to exercise that right.
Or, at least, that’s what I thought.
All this time, I took for granted that Evil was a good thing, and that everyone generally supported our cause. They wanted to have their souls consumed by blood and fire, they longed for it. My goblins and I were doing the Dark Lord’s work to help them get there.
Lo and behold — all the cities I’ve pillaged, all the innocent people I’ve tortured, all the souls I’ve cast into that Nether Realm where we cast the extra souls while we’re waiting to decide what to do with them — it turns out none of that was good at all.
None of those people actually wanted to be conquered and/or killed. None of them wanted to have their souls cast into an agonizing holding area in the Nether Realm.
Nobody ever told me that “Evil” means we’re the bad guys.
Whenever we’d storm into a city slaughtering people at random after a heavy artillery bombardment, I’d always wonder, “Why is everyone running and hiding? We’re here to liberate them from Peace and the Forces of Light!” Little did I realize people don’t like being bombarded with artillery or slaughtered at random. If only I had known that beforehand!
I guess it’s pretty obvious in hindsight. So shame on me for thinking I was a good guy this whole time. But the sudden realization that I might be on the wrong side of things is stressing me out. I’ve built my entire career — my life — around Evil. I’m as Evil as they come, but I really don’t want to be a bad guy. What should I do?
Not So Bad Guy
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Dear Not So Bad Guy,
Bad is a matter of perspective. “One man’s Overlord is another man’s democratically elected feudal master,” or so they say.
You’re only a “bad guy” from the perspective of some goody-two-shoes self-professed “good guys.”
Who’s deciding who gets the moniker “bad guy” and “good guy” anyway? I have millions of tortured slave minions that will tell you being subjugated by me is the best thing that’s ever happened to them (at least they’d better!). Does their opinion count for nothing?
People these days are quick to pin labels on us. “The torture device guy” or “The catapult guy” or “The guy that chained us in this dungeon for eternity.” People will put the “Evil” label on you and automatically assume you’re a bad person/creature/whatever you are. But labels aren’t fair, because Evil is so much more complex and nuanced than that.
So my advice is: Stop letting people label you, and stop labelling yourself.
Go out there and be as Evil as you can be, and don’t worry about whether that makes you a “good guy” or a “bad guy.” Those labels don’t matter. All that matters is that the Realm is ultimately cast into Perpetual Shadow. You can help us get there. In that world, I guarantee you there will be no labels (because everyone will be dead, but that’s beside the point).
Until then, I remain, dear vassal, thy Vile Master,
Dark Lord Dörgu Bøgerleshk, Bane of the Nrymbobl, Usurper of Forlorn Souls, Blood Govourner of the Flaming Infernal Swamplands
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