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Prithee, Dark Lord, my spider-legged betrothed is telepathically compelling me to do my share of the household chores. Is that fair?

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All is fair in telepathic arachnid love and war

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Couldn't stop smiling. It's the perfect combination of 'domestic advice column' and 'satanic overlord'. My favorite line for some reason was: "The one thing they all had in common was that I never felt ready." Exactly the sort of thing you'd see in a "Dear Wise One," article. Great piece!

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Many thanks! His Darkness shall keep thee in mind come the End Times.

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My dark lord would have said, "As long as I get your firstborn child, I don't care when you get married."

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Firstborn children are overrated.

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Does she have a sister?

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About 14,000 of them. Those things spawn like mad.

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