Dear Dark Assistant to the Underworld Undersecretary of Underlings;

The Nazis you refer to are a reliable source of revenue and bullet points on annual reviews, we have played out the Russians did it which became as you see from the Eastern Front even more embarrassing when it turned out the Russians were real instead of Bureaucratic InCorporealated ©️causing no end of embarrassment. Neither they nor the Ukrainians have the sense to just expend bullets and make money.

Infiltration of the Papists of Maryland also proved embarrassing because our tardive minions got caught trying to bug the confessional, unlike the Watergate burglary they weren’t supposed to...

Nazis-it’s annual review time, which justifies budgets, revenue is of course the review. We simply cannot continue to refuse to face facts that our less fortunate minions can compete outside of shall we say a controlled environment, preferably one that is entirely a digital fabrication; to this end- don’t toss the Nazis, because those are MY NAZIS, we’re all facing a budget crunch going into an election cycle. Frankly I’m surprised the memo didn’t circulate to your desk, it’s these new millennial helpers, they can’t figure anything out.

Don’t shoot us in the hoof that’s whole just because we’re already limping. That’s not balance, despite what you may have heard.


Chris Wray

Director, FBI


Merrick Wormwood Garland


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You are smart, funny and an imaginative writer. I'll miss your publications, and no, we never have enough chum!

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Dec 26, 2023·edited Dec 26, 2023Liked by Jan Lionsnest

Dear Dark Lord Dörgu Bøgerleshk, Bane of the Nrymbobl, Usurper of Forlorn Souls, Blood Govourner of the Flaming Infernal Swamplands,

I am passing this missive over to your able assistant, who uses the pseudonym Shadow Banner in the hope that she might slip it under your fierce nose for consideration.

If everyone is trapped in an endlessly crescendo-ing echo chamber of vitriolic clamour, as you so eloquently stated, I am grateful for your advice on a pressing matter.

I have been more than shadow-banned. I have discovered, by complete accident, that I am BLOCKED by persons unknown to me, heretofore.

May I ask if you intend to permit this blanket 'talk to the hand cos the face ain't listening' behaviour to continue? I ask because, I would like permission to create a list of the hysterical blockers and publish their names on my personal Substack.

I think it is only fair that they be subjected to the humiliation of repeated verbal flagellation and outright mockery that we dirty trainee devils, who don't mind reading the insane drivel that they regularly post, are itching to inflict upon them.

I am, of course, only a temporary tourist in your Flaming Infernal Swamplands, having taken a wrong turn at the Grimy Rosicrucian Sacrificial Zone. I was a little overcome by the crowds there, as you were personally supervising the day's roasting.

Respectfully yours,

FuktFascistFakeFran the unrepentant.

BritishSubstacker Section


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