6 Productivity Tools That Are All Spades Because Digging Holes Is Thy Only Purpose Now Get Back to It

Dost thou spend hours outside digging holes every day, yet never seem to get any better at it? Dost thou oft find thyself thinking, “There is probably a better tool for this than my fingers and a shard of yew”?

Digging struggles can be especially concerning when thy profession is as a digsman and literally the only thing thou art allowed to do is dig holes all day for liegelord knows what purpose.

Luckily, Frøeger the shovelsmith hath crafted a number of productivity tools that are fit specifically for the purpose of digging: they are all spades because digging holes is thy only purpose on this fief, so grab one and get back to it!

Normal Spade

Normal in all respects. Normal shaft, normal blade, normal dent where Frøeger smashed it o’er the head of a drunken peasant who stumbled into his smithy in the night trying to steal spades.

Small Spade

Perfect for putting thy children to work when they are too young and weak of arm to lift a Normal Spade.

Broken Spade

Let’s be honest, thou probably can’t afford a spade in mint condition, seeing as digging holes pays nothing and is honestly useless to society. But the Broken Spade is cheap and still works better than thy soil-stained hands.

Golden Spade

If thou finds thyself ordered to dig holes on any soils that The King may one day trod upon, then a Golden Spade will be provided to thee temporarily for the purpose. The King ne’er trods upon earth which hath been churned by spades made of lesser materials.

Ace of Spades

We hath no idea why Frøeger calls this the Ace of Spades, because ‘tis not e’en a spade so far as we can tell. ‘Tis merely some sort of useless playing card unfit for e’en the mildest digging.

Hand Spade

Just thy hand. The other spades were sold out. Get over it.


More stories fromme round the Realm:


Recreant varlets! If thou dost enjoy Ye Olde Tyme News, rememberest to subscribe, sharest it with thine other peasant friends, and followest His Majesty on InstagramTwitter, and Facebook @yeoldetymenews.