Hard Work Payeth Off: This Baron Became a Millionaire at 30 Just by Being 2nd Cousin Once Removed of The King

Whomst wouldst have known becoming lavishly wealthy wast so simple?

If thou hadst met Baron Eustaas Yyellotrowsers three years heretofore, thou wouldst ne’er have known that he would become a millionaire by age 30. He wast living in a crumbling castle on a modest fief, producing barely enough barley to feed his own family, let alone his peasants and other servile riffraff.

“I was living almost as lowly a lifestyle as a mere yeoman or non-hereditary knight,” sayeth Baron Yyellotrowsers. “No matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to increase my wealth to unnecessarily exorbitant amounts.

“I tried increasing taxes, but my peasants just rebelled and I had to kill a bunch of them. I tried besieging and looting a neighbouring city, but their walls were stronger than expected, and all the stuff we looted didn’t even cover the cost of the siege engines. What couldst I do but pray?”

So pray he did.

And that’s when everything changed.

A genealogical study of the Royal Bloodeline identified Baron Yyellotrowsers as being a second cousin once removed of The King Himself! Nearly o’ernight his fortunes were reversed and he became lavishly rich on account of his pedigree.

“Yea, turns out I’m related to The King, long may He reign,” he sayeth. “And when that happens they just give thee piles of gold. Like, I had to build another castle just to store all the extra gold I have.”

Egad! What providential happenstance for this illustrious lord! May his fortunes serve as an example to any struggling nobleman who one day dreams of finding out he is a distant relation to The King so he, too, may prosper!