Upon Which of Thy Unworthy Heirs Shouldst Thou Bequeath Thy Demesne?

‘Tis ne’er easy to pass from this world to the next after a successful lyfe spent amassing riches, properties, and courtly titles. ‘Tis especially difficult when all of thy offspring are worthless sots who deserve not a penny of thy hard-earned fortunes.

But alas, the law is the law, and thy estate must pass to one of thy feckless progeny whether they are deserving of it or not. This being the case, upon which of thy unworthy heirs shouldst thou bequeath thy noble demesne? Here be somme choices.

Thy eldest son, Drakebury

It seems a normal choice for a well-to-do patriarch to bestow his inheritances upon his eldest son. But in this case, Drakebury is perhaps the most pathetic bit of flesh ever to have sprung from thy loins. When he’s not busy wasting his fortnightly allowance on hapless bets at the Centaur racetrack, he’s busy carousing drunkenly throughst the servants’ quarters looking for a bosomly she-serf to satiate his sinful lusts.

Thy fifthe son, Marcke

Sons two and three were killed in the war and son four was run o’er by an oxcart, so next in line to thy bequest wouldst be thy fifthe-born son, Marcke. Whilst he’s tamer in the ways of salacity than Drakebury, he once spoke imprudently of “human rights” at a serf-torture party. No thanks, Marcke. We shall stick to torturing our underlings for entertainment.

Thy doghter, Malloreey

Womyn aren’t allowed to own things, but if thou manages to find her a suitable husband prior to thy demise thou can bequeath everything to him.

Thy bastard sonne, Accidentus

Thou wert quite the mingler in thy youngen dayes, and thy mingleage unfortunately produced the bastard, Accidentus. Whilst bequeathing ranks and properties to a bastard is less than ideal, it is nonetheless an option since thy other children are good-for-nothing lollygaggers.

Thy dogge, Dogge

Thy loyal Dogge is more deserving of thy possessions than any of the other morons. Though he is already quite olde, and now that thou thinks of it he hasn’t moved from his spot by the fireplace in quite a few weeks and is starting to reek. Drat! Now thou shall have to figure out whom to bequeath his estates upon as well.

Thy other bastard sonne, Accidentus II

Another product of mingleage, Accidentus II is younger than the first, but his mother is of half-noble blood. Bequeathing everything to him could spark a war of succession amongst thy legitimate and bastard children as well as his mother’s, but thou wilt be dead so what dost thou care, anyway?

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