The Christmas Man Is Drunk on a Goat and He Just Doth Not Give a Fyck!
Just when thou thunk the holiday season couldn’t get any crazier, thou walks outside to the snowy village square to see this: the Christmas Man is blind drunk riding around on a goat and he doth not give a fyck!
We spake correct. Ye Olde Christmas Patriarch hath been wassailing to and fro on his trusty magick yule goat Üdorlph for days. Plenty of ale and wassail ist present, but there be neither sleigh nor gift in sight.
According to sources in the vicinity of his tomfoolery, the Christmas Man hath proclaimed that he will no longer be bringing presents to all the goode lads and lasses this year. Instead, he and his goat will be vomiting into the stockings of unsuspecting children, completely at random. Whether thou hast been goode or badde this year will not protect thee from the Christmas Man’s disgorgement of cookies and rum milk.
“My holiday, my rules,” he said, seconds before falling from Üdorlph’s back face-first into a pile of flaxen snow. “If thou dostn’t like it, then thou cannest kiss mine rumpled olde toy sack.”
The holiday season ist always full of surprises, and this is sure to be a Christmas for the ages!