As a mobbe of angry peasants attempted to storm the Castle walls on Woden’s Day, Royal Guardsman Steen Herbgnome couldn’t believe he had to miss 2-for-1 mead flagons night at the tavern just to quell an insurrection.

“We hath spent all week quelling insurrections ’round the Kingdom. This one just had to happen on our day off,” sayeth Herbgnome. “Can we getteth just one day to kicketh back and enjoy the fyne drink deals at Ye Uncouth Schooner without having to put down any revolts?”

Captain of the Royal Guard Sterkbyg Bygsterkson hath placed all of his troops on high alert in anticipation of further rebellious acts.

“Well, we be not on as high of an alert as we wouldst be if it was orcs or dwarves rebelling,” sayeth Bygsterkson. “Typically we’ll crush a group of dwarves just for gathering outside, whether they be insurrecting or not.”

Bygsterkson sayeth that whilst he cares about his troops getting tyme off, quelling insurrections and punishing people generally at The King’s request is their jobbe.

“That’s why they payeth us the big bucks,” sayeth Bygsterkson. “Except our slave soldiers, of course. They don’t get paid.”

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