Most Expendable People To Duck Behind During The Next Artillery Barrage
Hast thou found thyself caught up in the midst of a siege? Wast thou in one moment going about thy normal noble business being carried ‘round towne in thy sedan to keep thy fair feet out of the muck, and in the next found thyself under a hail of enemy projectiles? Well worry not! For there beeth plenty of ways to avoid being killed by their archers and artillerymen. Here be the towne’s most expendable people to duck behind during the next artillery barrage.
The butcher. The butcher beeth a rather hefty fellow, and he likely couldst absorb as many arrows as two men, or perhaps even a small stone launched from a trebuchet. Seekest cover behind the butcher for sturdy and expendable protection.
Catapult Carls. The Catapult Carls beeth employed by The Crowne specifically for the purpose of serving as human shields during arrow volleys and catapult barrages. If the Castle beeth under siege, there shall be many Carls walking the streets looking for noblemen to protect with their flesh. If one be not in sight, just have thy squire shout “Carl!” from a nearby rooftop and a Carl shall come posthaste.
Centaur. ‘Tis true that Centaurs doth hate when people useth their firm horse torsos to shield themselves from incoming missiles, but their bodies art strong and art also large enough lengthwise for two or three noblemen to duck under.
Stoneface Bauercheeke. This local fellow beeth known for having a face as hard as stone, such that he hath deflected many projectiles with his face during different sieges o’er the years. He’s also just a lowly peasant, so if he happens to get hit in the body, which is not as hard as stone, oh well!
Any serf. When in doubt, just grabbe any serf and useth them as a shield. Being frail and weak as their bodies are, ‘tis preferable to stack up as many of them as thou can for maximum protection.