Mermaid Athlete Fined for Wearing Human Clothes On Fish Half of Body
What’s next? Covering their human half in fish clothes?
The Royal Magistrate of Tournaments and Jousts hath fined prominent Mermaid athlete Ladyanna le Mer after she didst wear human clothes on the fish half of her body whilst competing in the Royal Tournament.
“The Royal Tournament hath strict regulations on the wearing of athletic attire amongst hybrid creatures,” sayeth Royal Magistrate of Tournaments and Jousts Rundhar Horseswashing. “If we let the competitors wear whatever they want, where wouldst that take us? Centaurs wearing horseshoes on their hands? Minotaurs with hats? Methinks nay.”
Le Mer didst clothe her tailfin in pantaloons whilst competing in the quadrathlon, despite Tournament rules which clearly stipulate that any Merfolk or other quasi-humanoid aquatic beings are only allowed to wear fish or fishlike clothing on the ichthyic parts of their bodies.
As one doth know, the quadrathlon ist an open water contest which consists of four events:
Ye 700 Furlong Underwater Marathon
Ye Deep Diving Relay
Sea Anemone Speed Gathering
Le Mer wast favoured to win the contest and wast in a commanding lead following the first three events. She wast one of the few survivors of Ye 700 Furlong Underwater Marathon, being as most species cann’t hold their breath that long. Team Mer then won a close victory in Ye Deep Diving Relay o’er a team of eels with arms before she again wast victorious in the third event with 27 sea anemones gathered.
With victory guaranteed, she decided to don a comfortable pantaloon o’er her fin for the final event, despite warnings from Magistrate Horseswashing and the Esteemed Tournament Magisterium Committee that she wouldst be fined and disqualified if she did so.
“Overly Sexualizing Our Tailfins”
Many Merfolk hath complained that the requirement for hybrid aquatic athletes to compete in the nude ist unfair and distracts from the sport itself.
“Ye Tournament regulations cometh from a bygone era and overly sexualize Merfolk’s fish halves, attractive though they may be,” sayeth le Mer. “If I don’t want the crowd to stare upon my sleek fin muscles whilst I splash rhythmically in the final event, then I shouldst not have to.”
Most other hybrid creatures in the Tournament hath stood by le Mer, saying that each of them shouldst be allowed to wear whatever they want upon their confounded abomination of a body.
“I cann’t even explain how embarrassing it hath been competing with my wattle hanging out all these years,” sayeth cockatrice athlete Reese D’Cluckcluck, a longtyme competitor in Synchronized Pecking. “Any respectable dragon with the head and legs of a rooster shouldst be allowed to cover up his fleshy bird parts.”
Ye Way Ahead
Will activism from these hybrid athletes change the Tournament’s longstanding mythical creature clothing policies?
Initial indications are nay – for bare fins sell tickets – but we wish them luck in their endeavours.
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