Inquisitor Pretty Sure There Part in Bible Where Jesus Recommends Sticking Molten Iron Spike Up Pagan’s Ænus
Whilst he was debating how exactly to torture and kill his next heathen victim, the Grand Inquisitor noted he was “pretty sure” there was a part in the Bible where Jesus recommends sticking a molten iron spike up pagans’ ænuses.
“I can’t quite remember if Jesus said the cure for paganism was sticking a red hot poker up everyone’s arse or showing love and kindness towards all mankind,” sayeth the Grand Inquisitor. “Pretty sure ‘twas the former.”
He added that he doth not much care for “all the bollocks” about forgiveness and compassion in the Goode Book, but he much prefers the chapters that cover the best ways to torment the heretics with rectal contraptions.
But not all be of the same opinion as the Grand Inquisitor. Others within the Inquisition hath questioned whither the Lord’s teachings show more of a preference towards methods such as flaying of the skin and traditional evisceration and beheading rather than ænal pikes.
“Mineself prefers a goode old-fashioned burning at the stake,” sayeth Inquisitor 2nd Class Prudolphus Ochre. “‘Tis cheaper and it maketh much less of a mess.”
At ye presse tyme, the Grand Inquisitor was searching for the passage in the Bible where Jesus says the Church should tax the shyte out of everyone so it could buy more palaces and jewel-encrusted robes.