How Many of Thy Potential Husbands Were Killed in This Stormy Shipwreck?

The sea be dark and full of dangers. And in a seafaring towne such as thine, the call of the great salty beyond tends to lure all of the most eligible and attractive bachelors with the promise of coin and adventure.

For a young maiden unbetrothéd, it can be particularly stressful to watch a galleon full of potential suitors set sail in the midst of a squall. And ‘tis stressful indeed to watch from the shore as a ship containing numerous unmarried men who come from good families and have abs be dashed upon the cliffs, sending them all to a briny death.

Here be some of the unfortunate fellows who were aboard the most recent wreck, so thou can count how many among them were potential husbands. This way, thou can know just how heartbroken to be as thou laments their deaths on thy knees in the cold surf.

Gonthar Merchantson

The son of the wealthiest merchant in towne, Gonthar had hopes of making great profits in the East. Surely, had he survived, he could have showered thee with presents and large country estates. But, lo! Gonthar’s body was dragged mercilessly to the icy deeps and his fortune along with it.

Marceaux Pollo

A learnéd and ambitious young man, some say Marceaux was destined for great adventures to the farthest reaches of the land. Others say he was just a chicken who was too cowardly to settle down. Either way, his body was hewn of oak and he was rich. But it doth not matter now, for Marceaux Pollo was aboard the ship and hath surely drawn his last breath.

Frendel the Cutte

Although Frendel was a mere seaman without any significant inheritance to speak of, his muscles were quite attractively cut, so cut indeed that it became part of his name. Long days and nights working the rigging had given Frendel one of the firmest bodies on the shore, and, oh! how thou wouldst gaze upon him during a summer swim. But thou shalt gaze no more, for in all likelihood his body was heaved in twain upon the bluffs.

Captain Galligaster

What a dream to be a Captain’s wife! To dine in style amongst the officers and other noble figures from the far corners of the Realm. But unless thou hast plans to dine amongst the fishes and the Merfolk, thou can cross Captain Galligaster off thy list of potential husbands. For the goode Captain surely went down with his ship and hath become foode for the beasts of the sea.

Michał Mer

This sturdy boatswain’s mate actually survived the wreck. Indeed, he hath survived many a wreck, for he is a quarter Merman by blood and an expert swimmer. But, unfortunately, he is ugly and poor, so many more townsmen shall have to die before thou considers marrying the likes of him.


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