Ye Opinion: The Jousting Tournament Should Be Canceled Until This Dogge Gives Me Back My Lance

He stole mine horse, too!

By Sir Æthan Crannogg

With the Royal Jousting Tournament set to begin in nigh on a fortnight, ‘tis important to ask ourselves whither it be a goode idea to go forth with it as planned, or to exercise precaution before we proceed.

Not only doth the plague still rack the Kingdom, and ever-present wars rage along our borders, but a confounded dogge hath stolen my favourite lance, and there be no way I can compete until he gives it back.

The wretchéd son of a she-hound must’ve snuck into mine armory in the night, evading the watchful eyes of my squire-at-arms. He stole not only my prized competition lance — with which I placed atop the podium at the Rumpish Games a nonesmonth past — but he also ate all mine energy meatshanks and relieved himself upon my boots.

Since then, the wastrel hath been riding throughst the woods (on my horse, which he also stole) jousting with rabbits and doing King-knows-what sort of damage to my lance’s paint job. I approve of this not one bit, e’en though his jousting form and horsemanship be rather impressive.

Fie! I say! The Royal Magistrate of Tournaments and Jousts shouldst cancel the Tournament until the mangy cur returns my lance and horse to mine armory and repays me for eating my meatshanks.

Some say ‘tis important to continue with the Tournament as planned for the sake of the knights whomst have trained long and hard to win honour in the tiltyards. But ‘twould not be a faire contest if all the other knights were to take to the lists with their best lances and prized steeds and mineself wast left with naught.

Thusly, I say the tournament must be postponed lest the thieving fleabag returns me what ist mine. A knight of superb calibre such as mineself cannot be expected to compete before the Eyes of The King without the use of his favourite lance.

A fyne lance is meant for a knight to display his mettle on the tournament grounds, not for a mere mongrel to go off stabbing at rabbits.