This Crusade Reboot Hath Ruined My Childhood
The reboot is never as good as the original.
Like any 1090s kid, I grew up loving the Crusades. Sure, the chainmail looks a little dated now and maybe some of the politics of the time don’t really hold up, but that’s part of what made the First Crusade special. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a once in a lifetime mission to capture the Holy Land.
Or so we all thought.
Now it seems like every few years there’s a new one!
I’m not saying all war sequels are bad. Some of my favorite Rome-Carthage stuff came late in the run. Hey, even the Second Crusade has its fans. But this latest Crusade is totally devoid of everything that makes a holy war exciting and meaningful in the first place.
First of all, this new Pope has none of the old school charm of Urban II. It seems like everything he says is written by a church committee. It’s just all so perfectly calculated to get my bloodlust up, that it totally rings hollow. Plus, The Knights Templar are so old now, putting them in battle just feels like fan service.
These are just minor complaints. The big issue is that these rebooted Crusades aren’t even standalone wars anymore. Each one just serves to introduce a new bad guy like Saladin or whoever, and ends on a cliffhanger that just sets up a whole new crusade.
Like, let me guess, they retook the Holy Land again? Big surprise.
And it’s just one crusade after another these days: we’ve got a Children’s Crusade, a Women’s Crusade, and who knows what they’ll come up with next. I’m all for equal bloodshed, I want everyone to have the chance to die violently for something just like we had when I was a kid. I just don’t think every war has to be based on an existing Crusade. Let’s invade China, or go back to fighting with the Vikings again. Let’s fight over a trade route or a kidnapped princess. Something a bit more fresh than the same old recycled religious stuff.
That’ll get me interested in war again.
Bryn Pottie has yearned to scribe for all his days. Alack, he is but an oaf and no moneyed men will patronize his ravings. Evidence of this can be found here: www.brynpottie.com
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