These Black Friday Deals Put the "Sale" in "The Price of Grain Hath Thrown the Provinces Into Wholesale Rebellion"
Lambshanksgiving hath passed and thou art still alive, which meaneth ‘tis tyme to begin shoppeing for Mistlemas. If thou art looking to spend thy meager wage on thy family this Yuletide, then the Kingdom hath many a Black Friday sale for thee!
If thou cannest manage to escape the grinding days behind the plough for a few hours, then checketh out these Black Friday deals that put the “sale” in “the price of grain hath thrown the provinces into wholesale rebellion.”
‘Tis likely that at least one member of thy family wilt freeze to death or die of pneumonia by the New Year. Wooden logge (7 ha’pence each) wilt provide thy hovel a few minutes of warmth if thou cannest manage to start a fyre.
Season and preserve thy foode o’er the longe wintermonths with Salt (2 shillings per mark). Though Salt ist typically reserved for use by the nobility, after a particularly productive season in the Salt Mines in which a record number of enemy prisoners of war toiled day and night, The King shalt alloweth tradesmen and e’en mere peasants to purchase this delicacy.
Fresh Drinking Water
Winter ist infamous for its lack of fresh drinking water, which leads most serfs to drink of tainted wells and subsequently succumb to the dysentery. A dead serf is no goode to his lord, so tryeth some fresh drinking water (3 pence per gill) today! What if thou hath already spent thy lyfe savings on wooden logge? Simple: useth thy brief moment of heat to melt some snow!
Grain (market price) ist hard to come by this year on account of the drought and blight and war and such. In fact, its high market price hath thrown the provinces into wholesale rebellion. Don’t expect to feed thy family any grain this year unless thou art at least a Viscount or above.
Mayhaps the Kingdom’s top selling Black Friday treat for the past hundred years, Ale (10 groats per hogshead) wilt helpeth thee forget thy misery, at least for a short while. Whilst it may not help thy family survive the cruel winter, ‘twill nonetheless ensure thou enjoys thy final miserable moments in this lyfe!