These 5 Unruly Seaside Principalities Are Perfect for Relaxing on the Beach After Thy Punitive Expedition Brings Them to Heel

Whoso sayeth vanquishing can’t be pleasant?

The summer ist upon us, and that means the days of vanquishing inland provinces or places with bad weather ist out. If thou art the kind of lord whomst enjoys sipping a cool drink with his toes in the sand after a punitive military expedition, thou must try vanquishing these five unruly seaside principalities o’er the summer.


The merchants in this major trading port hath demanded a reduction in taxes from the current levels of Whatever The King Feels Like Charging. Doth their greed know no bounds?! How dare they be so insolent when the summer months on the shores of the Great Middling Sea are so picturesque? Vanquish the wealthiest amongst them so that their tax monies may once again justly fill the Royal Coffers, and thou may relax on their beaches in peace.


Located in the heart of the Mer Islands, the rowdy mix of sailors, pirates, Merfolk, and womyn in this beach town hath created a rebellious sentiment amongst the population. Vanquish them mercilessly then recline on the tropical shores whilst enjoying cocktails of Salt Rum and watching the waves rolleth in.

Hafstrømmer Bay

There actually be no indications that this seaside principality ist in any way unruly or rebellious. Howe’er, ‘tis conveniently located close to the Royal Naval Base at South Hafstrømmer Bay, and the topography is perfect for His Majesty’s Royal Marines to practice amphibious assaults and raids against the local population. ‘Tis goode training and the residents shall understand.

Indigo Pebbles Resort

Also not technically unruly or even a principality. But if thou needs a charming private escape this summer, Indigo Pebbles Resort ‘tis a paradise. Vanquish this luxurious seaside resort and transform it into thy very own summer palace!

Blood Orchard Beach

So-called because some sort of mercenary army vanquishes it every summer and the blood runneth thick through its coastal orchards, Blood Orchard Beach is a must for any ambitious warlord who likes to pillage but also knows how to chill afterwards.