A new study from the Royal Institute of Stabbery and Sharp Things hath shown that the majority of people are unaware that there are multiple edged weapons embedded in their skull, face, torso, and/or chest.

“We believe these findings shall revolutionize the way we think about the shooting pain we all feel in various parts of our bodies and the strange, sharp objects sticking out of them,” sayeth Moste Esteemed Lecturer Philator Pumbus. “I myself have already found two daggers and a battle axe embedded in my back, which I never wouldst have known were there otherwise.”

The study doth recommend that anyone experiencing horrific pain in some part of their body after returning from a battle, raid, duel, or tavern altercation see a stabbery specialist forthwith. Whilst ‘tis not always possible to remove the edged weapon stuck into one’s torso, ‘tis usually possible for a specialist to at least diagnose the condition.

“So many people goeth through their daily lives without realizing there’s a broadsword piercing directly through their chest and exiting just above their buttocks,” sayeth Pumbus. “It helps to diagnose these things early so subjects may take actions to prevent future, and potentially fatal, edged weapons from entering their body.”

At ye presse tyme, the Royal Institute released updated findings which show that moste people are also unaware that they are currently on fyre.

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