Squire Hangs Poster of The King on Wall to Practice Kissing His Ring

By Serf Correspondent Matt Dooman

After long days of toiling for His Majesty, what ist better than coming home to practice serving Him even more? Squire Johny Yorkington hath hung up his very own poster of The King so he can practice kissing His Ring at all hours of the night. 

His two hour commute on foote from Yorking is all worth it so long as when he comes home he can plant a smooch on The King’s Ring.

"Verily, I be a diehard fan of The King,” sayeth Squire Yorkington. “I started mine own business two years heretofore, but just paying all of my profits to the Royal Coffers didst not satisfy my love for The King.” 

“‘Tis also much easier to kiss a poster of The Ring than the real thing,” he added. “The last tyme The King came to town I went in for a kiss and the Royal Guards beat me half to death. As much of an honour as that was, it hurt really bad.” 

However, Yorkington’s fanaticism for The King hath put a strain on his marriage. 

"Sometimes methinks Johny wishes I was His Majesty,” sayeth his wyfe Emilíy. “When we try for the bedroom, he often shouts out, ‘Thou art The King! Thou art The King!’ If I didn’t know better, I’d rather say he’s imagining ‘tis he and The King that are taking a turn amongst the cabbages.”

“On the bright side, he hath become an amazing kisser though.”


Matt Dooman ist just a humble serf who learned to write but not read recently. He needs everything he wrote to be read to him.