"Shoot with a Crossbow" and Other Things to "Accidentally" Do to Thy Peasants' Faces

Art thou bored because thou art a noble and thou hast an entire army of vassals to do all of thy work for thee? If so, ‘tis important to find some diversion with which to pass the hours betwixt naps and mealtyme. Thy peasants’ faces offer many opportunities for recreation so long as thou hast an ample supply of handheld ranged weapons and a trifle of imagination.

Here be some things to “accidentally” do to thy peasants’ faces to pass the tyme.

  • Shoot with a crossbow.

  • Shoot with a longbow.

  • Cuff with the backside of thy dainty noble hand.

  • Shoot with a mid-range bow.

  • Spill a glass of hot ale upon them then make them bring thee another one and spill that one upon them, too.

  • Trod upon them in sabatons.

  • Trod upon them with bared feet (but with burlap covering their faces, lest their peasant filth rubs off on thee).

  • Shoot with a tiny trebuchet.

  • Play a game of stoolball in which their face is both the ball and the stool.

  • Make a mockery of them in a publick setting.

  • Make a mockery of them in what appears to be a private setting, but then draw back the curtains to reveal that they hath in fact been made a mockery of in a publick setting.

  • Order them to speak ill of The King then spit upon them when they obey.

  • Bestow a backhanded compliment upon their bulbous peasant snout.

  • Axe throwing.

  • Giveth them an uneven shave e’en though the mere act of shaving ist painful to their pockmarked face.

  • Speak unkind words.

  • Face tax.