Royal Sürgeon to Approve Plague Variolation for Peasants Over 40 as Soon as We Find One Who Hath Lived That Long
In moste promising medickal news this daye, the Royal Sürgeon Dr. Jeclonius Sphłînt announced he shall approve a newe treatment called “variolation” for peasants over 40 years of age. He shall begin administering treatments as soon as he can find a peasant who hath lived that long.
“The procedure is simple and sayfe,” sayeth Dr. Sphłînt. “In contrast to the olde treatment in which the patient would lie praying in a pile of plague infested bodies in the hopes that the Lord would cure them on account of their goode faith, this one involves praying whilst lying on a single plague bodie, or even an appendage. Sometymes I’ll even throw plague powder at them whilst they’re praying.”
“‘Tis still a bit experimental, but we know the praying part works.”
Whilst the goode docktor admits that ‘tis possible to die fromme this treatment, he sayeth ‘tis best to start with the elderly 40-plus crowd since they already hath one foote in the grave anywho.
“If it works, great,” he sayeth. “If not, a peasant that olde be too weak to work anyway, and their lord won’t miss them much.”
With contributions from Part Tyme Fool Mick Cohen-Carroll.