By Sir Drew
Bastard sons. Every lord hath them. But every lord also hath the fear that they will one day murder him in his sleep to cast off the yolk of bastdardom and claim his noble titles and estates.
If this sounds like thee, then taketh this quizze to see if thy bastard son intends to murder thee in the night and steal thy lordship.
Whats didst thou eat for supper last nighte?
Mead, ale, and venison. One of the womynfolk serving the foode was the buxom lasse who birthed mine bastard son.
My lorde, I have no foodstuffs and ateth nothing but dirt and water.
Ist thy legitimate heir stronge of arm and stout of heart and capable of lordship?
Nay. Although I have a male heir of true noble bloode, he hast growne into a weak and dainty fellow who hath interests in dallying with other menfolk.
I have a son birthed by mine wyfe but I cannot be sure he ist mine because my lorde enacted his right of primæ noctis.
Hath thy bastard son been wearing bear skins to appear hairy and asking thy heir if he wouldst trade his birthright for soup?
Mine family hath never had enough foode for soup.
Hath thy bastard served in the King’s Military?
Yea. I believed it shrewd to have my bastard learn tactics and diplomacy so he couldst be usede in war withoute risking true noble bloode, but he hath become wise in military matters and is nowe very dangerouth.
All mine children were killed in the King’s glorious conqueste of the Eastern Landes.
Mostly 1s — Sorry, thy bastard shall have thee dispatched in thy sleep and blame thy rightful heir so he can taketh thy lordship.
Mostly 2s — Thou art a serf, and thy bastard ist a serf as well. Thy bastard shall spendeth his life toiling in the turnip fields like thee. Sleep well knowinge thy bastard is notte a threat to thy non-existent lordship, and that thou hast another daye of backbreaking labor on the morrow.