Quiz: Was This Roving Elf Patrol Sent to Thy Village to Bring Sweet Elf Candies or to Pacify the Resistance and Murder Its Leaders?

In many parts, the approach of a Roving Elf patrol is a much welcome distraction to the grind of e’eryday lyfe. As henchmen for The King, the Roving Elves will often grace His Most Loyal Allies with sweet elf candies made from magickal sugary tree sap. But for enemies of The Crowne, the sight of a Roving Elf patrol signals certain annihilation. For, whilst their candies are sweet to friends of The King, their blades are bitter to those who oppose Him.

Here’s how to tell if the Roving Elf patrol approaching thy village was sent to bring sweet elf candies or to pacify the Resistance and murder its leaders.

Is the Roving Elf patrol jolly and carrying sacks of candy, or are they menacing and armed to the teeth with blades of Elven Steel?

A. They are smiling and tossing gumdrops to the village children.

B. They are bribing the children with gumdrops to gather intelligence and murdering those who don’t comply.

Is thy village harbouring leaders and/or members of the Resistance?

A. Nay. I hath ne’er heard of said Resistance, and would certainly give up their names to The Crowne if I did.

B. Nay, go back from whence ye came, elves!

What are their names and where are they hiding?

A. Not applicable. Their kind be not welcome in these parts.

B. Thou wouldst sooner be tortured than give up their names.

Do the Roving Elves torture thee after thy response to the previous question?

A. Yes, but ‘tis more of a fun torture they do for entertainment, and not because thou art harbouring the Resistance.

B. Yes. ‘Tis not for entertainment. ‘Tis merciless pain.

What are their names and where are they hiding?

A. Still not applicable, but thou gives them a few names of people in the village thou dost not like just in case.

B. Captain Melik Po, Rustinian Tabbot, and Juseph Moore. They are staying in Room 7 of the Caltrops Inne. But thou dost not know this information because thou art an active member of the resistance. Thou simply overheard it in the tavern.

Do the Roving Elves flay thy skin and put thy body on a pike as a warning to the Resistance afterwards?

A. Yes.

B. Yes.

Ye Results

Mostly As. A glorious day, indeed! Thy village is a loyal ally of The King and the Roving Elf patrol was simply passing through to give their sweet elven candies to His Majesty’s subjects. They apologize for any incidental torture/death that may have occurred.

Mostly Bs. Thy village is surely harbouring leaders of the Resistance, and the Roving Elf patrol will smoke them out. Thou shouldst have come clean sooner. Thy end will be a painful one, as it will for all enemies of The Crowne!


‘Twould be most wise if thou subscribed to His Majesty’s fortnightly newsletter below.