Our People Are Our Most Valuable Resource, Which Is Why We Plan on Eating You Slowly
Here at OgreCorp, we take care of our people one bite at a time
A lot of organizations talk about how much they care about their people. They post it around the office and in company pamphlets. Senior management preaches it at conferences and company retreats. Heck, some people even believe it.
But do they really mean it?
Well, here at OgreCorp, we do. At OgreCorp our people are our most valuable resource, which is why we plan on eating you slowly, and savoring every drop of caloric value that you’ve poured into this company.
We go above and beyond for our people. Our cadre of world class Ogres strives to make each and every human resource comfortable and fulfilled before we consume your succulent flesh.
We don’t just care about performance reviews, or who stays at work the latest to baste themselves with extra spices (although that’s important!). We believe every one of our captive hominid meat sacks deserves to be fat and happy before they are ultimately devoured. Our people aren’t some everyday four-legged protein we slap on a sandwich without thinking twice.
No. You’re tastier than that, and we want you to last.
At OgreCorp, we don’t think of our humans as just ordinary food, we think of you as part of the family. We think there’s a piece of you inside each and every one of us, and if it’s after mealtime then physically there is.
So go ahead, take your full 30 minute lunch break and eat to your heart’s content. Take that vacation and relax on the beach. (Just don’t get burnt! Yuck!) Anything that makes your body meat juicier and more tender is just fine by us.
In the end, our human resources aren’t just resources to be consumed indifferently like they are at other companies. They’re delicious resources to be consumed with care, and sometimes with a glass of red wine.