Obsessed Much? This Lord Won’t Stop Bombarding His Unrequited Lover’s Castle With Trebuchets
Love conquers all
When it cometh to love, we all know that besotted lords will go to great lengths to obtain a maiden’s hand in marriage. Some will beseech one’s father with offerings of gold and troops for his next military campaign in exchange for a betrothal. Others will linger outside one’s window with a troupe of lithe young chevaliers crooning sweet melodies of desire every day for years on end. Still others will resort to subterfuge to undermine one’s family’s wealth and status, thus forcing one to unwillingly accept his proposal in order to salvage the family’s goode repute.
This is all fyne and well, for marriage is, at its core, a game of alliances and deceit.
But some lords taketh it too far. Exhibit A: Count Volfov fell in love with the fair Maid Linley, but she rebuffed his advances. Now he is bombarding her castle with trebuchets until she agrees to marry him, vowing that her castle walls shall fall and e’erything round her shall burn before he gives up on their love.
“If I cannot have thee, then no one can!” he didst shout from atop a siege engine. “Thy castle walls shall crumble just as my heart crumbled in my chest when thou wert loath to requite my affection.”
Seriously sire, blackmailing a lady’s father in the name of love is one thing, but keep thy trebuchets in thy trebuchet shed.
Maid Linley, who hath been holed up in the keep throughout the siege, sayeth there were many warning signs right from the beginning of their courtship.
“Our romance was goode for a while, but every tyme we’d have an argument he would go into this besieging commander mood and his guards would start wheeling in trebuchets out of nowhere,” spake she. “Eventually we would make up and they would roll the trebuchets away. But I should have known that was a red flag.”
Many local castle dwellers also are unhappy about the turn their relationship hath taken.
“‘Tis just like these nobles to git e’eryone else involved in their personal affairs,” spake local seamstress Abigail Seamstress. “Just once I wish there would be an unrequited love that doesn’t result in a war or massacre.”
Whilst Maid Linley says she will never marry a man who is willing to turn her castle to rubble at the slightest hiccup in their relationship, not all maidens are turned off by such intense infatuation. Some womyn even find this level of dedication rather charming.
“I wish one of my suitors would besiege my castle,” spake Lady Lamprever. “All I ever get is a stupid knight killing his opponent in the joust on my behalf, or maybe a golden brooch with ‘I love thee’ carved into it by his own hand. So basic.
“Although, ‘tis true that one can never have enough brooches.”
Will Count Volfov’s investment of her castle conquer Maid Linley’s heart, or will he only manage to conquer her territory? This remains to be seen, but one thing ist for sure: One way or another, love conquers all.
‘Tis told by the bards:
The best way to spread His Majesty’s Presence,
Is subscribing and sharing with many dull peasants.
Thusly, if thou dost desire to support this humble publickation, shareth it far and wide amongst thy friends and fellow revellers.
Ye Olde Tyme News is run by a lone scribe who does it for free, solely to bring word of The King’s Greatness to thine eyes (plus the occasional contributor who is indentured by His Majesty to the task). The continuance of this noble endeavour is made possible only by the knowledge that it is bringing such joy to the peoples of the Realm.
May fair winds and following seas guide thee and thy kin into the arms of our subscribers list!
-Ye Royal Scrivener of Letters, Jan Lionsnest