Noted Sculptor Unveils New Piece He Calleth 'Anime Girl'
Noted Sculptor Unveils New Piece He Calleth 'Anime Girl'
Giveth the people what they want
By Divyansh Kulshrestha, Executioner’s Apprentice
In the most anticipated art launch of the year, noted sculptor Brenard Frikschurson didst unveil his latest piece of art. Called the ‘Anime Girl’, said sculpture is a revolutionary work that hath every fellow in the vicinity leering at it with eyes agape.
“I’m excited to stand here today and unveil the Anime Girl,” spake Frikschurson. “It hath always been my dream to create art that wouldst attract such a large crowd of salivating men.”
The Anime Girl sculpture doth feature a young maiden with green hair and large eyes, wearing a revealing top, who glares at thee with an icy expression on her face. The most notable feature of the piece is her disproportionately sized bosom, which Frikschurson exquisitely designed to make it appear as if it follows thee as thou walks across the room.
Frikschurson was formerly employed at the King’s court, where he gained fame for sculpting such pieces as “The Nude King,” “The Nude King Slays a Dragon,” “The Nude King Spanks an Angel,” “The Nude King Spanks a Dragon,” and “The Nude King, Parte Deux.” But he left his post in fear of his own lyfe.
“The King’s taste in art is so fyne, ‘tis almost as if it’s totally random and He’s not looking at the artwork at all but is perpetually contemplating His Own Magnificence,” spake Frikschurson. “A Court Artist never knows whether He will shower thee with praise or slash open thy guts. Sometymes He’ll do both, but not necessarily in that order.”
After leaving the Court, Frikschurson embarked on a semi-successful solo career before he strucketh gold with Anime Girl.
“Anime Girl is inspired by the daughter of a foreign servant my father once indentured,” told he. “I lost touch with her because she ran away from the house after papá mutilated her father for something harvest-related, but the memory of her beauty still haunts me.”
The criticks doth claim this may be Frikchurson’s magnum opus.
“There be no truer mark of a work of greatness,” sayeth art critick Ludwig Trigons, “than a pair of bold and succulent calabashes."
Divyansh Kulshrestha is a writer-jester from the lands of India, where he enjoyeth sitting with his ink and parchment to scribble down bizarre ideas that maketh him giggle. Those who wisheth to can see his work in magazines like Flexx Mag and EOTB - Sports, and can hear his interview on the Green Light Podcast (On Ye Olde Spotify).
Side note: Apologies to anyone who received a previous post twice. The Substack platform had a technical issue on Friday and seems to have sent out duplicate emails.