By Tavern Wench Catherine Weingarten
Townspeople were disappointed this fair morning when they realized the new graveyard for disposing of Plague bodies was not nearly as sinister as the olde one.
They didst report that the newe graveyard had pleasant flowers and a friendly atmosphere all around, unlike the other, which was pretty much just rotting corpses and the occasional drum circle.
“The olde graveyard ‘twas a popular spot for casting spells and invoking dæmons and such, as well as for making out with thy cousin’s boyfriend, who is also thy cousin,” sayeth local townswomyn Edwige. “This newe one hath not as much of that edgy ‘we’re all going to die’ vibe.”
Edwige didst add that the friendly atmosphere of the newe graveyard ist not as useful for when one is having a badde day and needs somewhere to escape to so their möther cannot force them to milk fifty cows when their fingers only hath the endurance to milk forty-fife.
“All I want is a haunted, pestilent place to get away to when my fingers be sore from the milking. This new graveyard doth not really offer that,” she sayeth. “It hurts to milk so many, mother!”
At ye presse tyme, the newe graveyard had finally begun to take on a more sinister air after the heaps of plague corpses began spilling out of their graves.
Catherine Weingarten is a NYC based tavern wench whose etchings have appeared in McSweeney’s. Catherineplaywright.ninja