Knight Should Have Ridden More Hay-Efficient Horse If He Didn’t Want To Pay So Much To Fill It Up
Knights are feeling the squeeze at the hay pump
As the pryces of hay and oats reach record levels the Kingdom ‘round, valiant knights riding heavily armoured steeds are feeling the squeeze.
Knights such as Sir Brandon the Basick, who rides a massive warhorse in full battle armour for many hours a day, hath been hit hardest. Many knights, howe’er, say that hay-efficient horses perform just as well for most chivalric purposes.
“Seriously, Sir Brandon rides to work e’ery day wearing like 300 pounds of armour and heraldic pennants. Totally unnecessary,” spake fellow knight Sir H’Roderick Fustian, who commutes atop a modest mare, and oft has his squires carry him to battle on their shoulders because they release less effluvium into the environment than a horse. “That thing is a total hay guzzler.”
To save on feed costs, many knights hath sought alternative methods of transport to the battlefield, such as horsepooling, catching a ride in the wagon of a passing monk, and warring from home. But Sir Brandon holds that riding his hulking stallion is an essential part of his knightly honour.
“One ne’er knows when one will be ambushed by brigands in the wood, or be challenged to an impromptu joust upon the glebe,” he spake. “How am I supposed to slay the wastrels and win the heart of the princess they may or may not be holding captive from atop a meager pony?”
Whilst The King hath passed many a noble policy to ensure that rising hay pryces only affect peasants and other poorfolk of little import, brave knights such as Sir Brandon hath ne’ertheless been hit at the hay pump.
“I have to pump a satchel-o’-silver’s worth of hay into my steed just to take a simple saunter ‘round my estate in full kit looking for a fight,” spake Sir Brandon. “Sure, technically I’m not losing money because every tyme pryces go up I just raise taxes on my peasants. But still.”
Sir H’Roderick is not alone in his effluviant-friendly riding habits. A recent study by the Royal Academie of Armoured Battle Logisticks shows how knights’ commuting methods hath changed since the days of yore.