I Spent 400 Years Mastering Ye Lute but Ye Villagers Only Want to Hear “Wonderwall”

By Part Tyme Fool Mick Cohen-Carroll and Politickal Scribe Christian

Mine lute can split the sea, mine lute can chase away the snakes! I hath honed the musickal arts on mine gentle lute for four centuries, carrying on ye tradition that dateth back to the Battle ‘gainst Gorgonus the Dragon, whence our Kingdom wast saved by the enchanting sounds of the magickal lute that lulled Gorgonus to eternal wink. ‘Tis an honorable calling, I prithee to believe me!

Yet I roam from village to village in search of a place that needs nigh but just a lute player, but an enchanter and a protector. Alas, when I enter a village and commence the mystical process of tuning mine lute, the villagers stumbleth out of the pub, calleth me “Newt Man!” and bid me to play “Wonderwall”! 

O’ to hear another such request and a collective keak amongst the commoners is a fate worse than death! ‘Tis almost as if they realize not that my lute was forged by the divine Elven queen Elihuldra herself! 

Needest I reminde them, mine lute can split the sea! Mine lute can chase away the snakes! ‘Tis not meant for such plebeian causes! 

Yet I stumble across the same fate, day in, day out. It seemeth as though my destiny is but to repeat the same olde song by ye folklore stone band O’asissseux.

I beg of these fellows to stop, for I cann’t continue like this. What ist so great about yond aria? I knoweth not, but it might beeth tyme for me to find a new kingdom, one where they appreciate my gift and truly respect the magickal powers of mine lute.


Christian ist a scribe in charge of tallying all ye votes except elections because they don’t exist, and even if they didst exist they would be unnecessary because The King is God-appointed and would totally win that vote anyway because He is beloved unanimously.

Mick ist a scribe of ye magick TV with original pilots as well as sitcom specs, and ist an alumnus of The Second City and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Thou can find his writing on The Weekly Humorist, Medium, Buzzfeed, Points in Case, Little Old Lady Comedy and mo’e at mickcohen-carroll.com.