How to Weave a Wreath That's Beautiful, but Not Beautiful Enough to Avoid Dalston's Unsolicited Wreath-Weaving Advice
'Tis a fyne wreath, but...
No matter the season, weaving a wreath is a fun and lovely do-it-thyself project with which to decorate thy castle walls. With a bit o’ practice and the right materials, thou can weave a beautiful wreath that shall be the envy of all the other lords and ladies in the duchy.
Except for Dalston, that is.
For, no matter how beautiful thy wreath, he is certain to approach thee with a great deal of unsought advice on how to weave it better. Herein be some tips on how to weave a beautiful wreath, but not one that’s so beautiful that thou art able to escape Dalston’s unsolicited wreath-weaving advice.
Pick the Freshest Flowers from the Meadow
Cat’s ear, vetch, and bloody-peasant’s-nape are all handsome wildflowers that can add a bit of dash to any wreath. Unfortunately, no matter how fresh and beautiful thy flowers are, Dalston will always come upon thee unsolicited with handfuls of even fresher flowers and insist thou uses those instead.
Use Willow Stems to Make the Base
Willow stems shall give thy wreath the perfect holiday flair thou wast going for. Just don’t hang thy willow wreath somewhere Dalston can see it, for he shall most definitely approach thee unprompted and say that willow is overrated and thou shouldst have used spruce or cedar instead.
Add Holly for Some Seasonal Colour
One wouldst think boughs of holly with red drupes art the perfect add-on for thy holiday wreath, seeing as red is a moste seasonal colour. But not according to Dalston. He will most definitely inform thee that, whilst holly was popular in the days of yore, frosted snowberries are much more in style this year.
Hire a Professional Wreath-Weaver to Get Dalston Off Thy Back
As a last resort, have a professional weave thy wreath for thee, so that there’s no way Dalston can possibly have any unwanted advice to give. Just be thee wares, for when he spies thy perfect wreath, he will most assuredly tell thee, “Wreaths suck. Garlands are better.”
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Heard ‘round the Realm:
“A true knight cares not for worldly comforts.”
-Sir Iain Frittswythe, on why he just pooped in his own armour