How to Tell if Thou Hast Fallen Out of The King’s Favour Based on How Many of Thy Sons He’s Enslaved
There be no-thing more important in this world than being under the Goode Graces of The King. And there be no-thing more terrible than falling out of His Favour. Just ask any subject who hath fallen out of The King’s Favour in the past, and they will tell thee, “I am dead or soon to be.”
‘Tis an oft difficult task to tell whither one be within His Majesty’s Esteem and His ever-luminant light shines upon thee, or if one hast fallen out of His Favour and thou art a scoundrel for whom vile punishments await.
Luckily, one goode way to tell is by counting the number and type of thy sons that He hath enslaved.
Through a rigorous analysis of His Majesty’s past heir-enslaving activities and the resulting conditions of their progenitors, we hath compiled datums that can help thee determine if thou hast fallen out of The King’s Favour based on how many of thy offspring He hath condemned into servitude.
Thy Eldest Son - Out of Favour with The King
If The King hath enslaved thy eldest son, then thou unfortunately hast fallen out of favour with Him. As the primary heir to thy titles and estates, thou haddest big plans for thy eldest son’s future. But alas, his future shall be naught. For he hath most likely been sent to the quarries to crack stone until he dies of exposure. Clearly thou hast done something to offend His Majesty, and He hath justly chosen to wipe thy lineage from the hist’ries.
Thy Non-Eldest Son - In Favour with The King
If The King hath only enslaved one of thy non-eldest sons, then thou can breathest a sigh of relief. Enslaving noble children is merely standard pracktice. As long as the son He enslaved was a merrymaker or some other sort of incompetent, then thou likely art still within The King’s Favour. Just be thee wares: thy slaveson’s actions at Court shall still reflect upon thy family name, so thou must keep a close watch on him to keep him in check.
3 or More Sons - Out of Favour with The King
If The King hath enslaved a multitude of thy sons then it should be clear to thee that thou hast fallen out of His Goode Graces. If thou art running out of sons for Him to press into service as oarsmen on the Royal Galleys, then thou should indeed fear that He may cometh for thee next!
2 Sons and 1 Doghter - Mixed Favourage
It can be difficult to tell whither thou remains under His Majesty’s Grace if He hath decided to enslave both sons and doghters of thine. It could be that He seeks to marry thy doghter to a Prince of Royal Lineage and simply decided to enslave her first because that is His prerogative, in which case ‘tis a most glorious affair. Or it could be that He desires gender diversity amongst His bondservants. Also His prerogative.
All My Sons Are Dead - Indifferent
If thou hast no progeny with which to serve His Majesty, then He is indifferent to thee and cares not for thy loss. Perhaps if thou spent less tyme crying about thy dead sons and more tyme producing sons whomst could serve The King, thou wouldst still be in His Favour.
Readest more from Ye Olde Tyme News below. And rememberest to subscribe and spread His Majesty’s Word far and wyde.
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