How to Prevent Thy Dead Noble Husband from Being Buried with All Thy Best Amulets
Let not thy fynest jewelry go to waste on his lifeless corpse
‘Tis important to marry a nobleman not just for his rank, titles, standing at Court, and prodigious ability to sire male heirs, but for the precious amulets and brooches he bestows upon thee. But lo! What if thy vaunted husband passes from this lyfe and decides to be buried in all of thy fynest amulets so that he might have something which to remember thee by in the afterlyfe?
A lady shan’t stand for such avarice!
Here’s some ways to prevent thy dead noble husband from being buried with all thy best amulets so that thou mayest continue to enjoy their lustre in this lyfe.
Say “Getting buried in amulets is so pre-Christian era”
Nobody wants to be accused of something so banal as pagan funeral rites. Convince his family that adorning his body in amulets and gold would be most unfashionable — nay, heretical — and keep said amulets for thyself. If they must adorn him in something, let them throw a bracelet or something boring in there.
Make sure he gets killed in a naval battle or somewhere the body can never be recovered
One cannot adorn one’s corpse in amulets if one hath not a corpse to adorn.
Hath thy husband been known to partake in adventures ‘pon the high seas? If so, ensure he meets his fate far out to sea where the tides and the serpents shall claim his bones. If he be more of a landward sort, mayhaps pay someone to push him into a volcano or crevasse.
Bribe a necromancer to reanimate him just long enough to reclaim that which is thine
Approach his uncovered grave in the dark of night and bribe a necromancer to reanimate his corpse for a few minutes. When he arises from his slumber and reaches to embrace thee saying, “My love, oh how I have missed thee so. May our kindred souls ne’er again be apart,” quickly snatch the amulets from his neck and push him back into the grave.
Marry his brother
Not sure how this shall help the situation, but his brother is rich and pretty hotte.
Signeth a pre-nup
More and more ladies these days are signing prenuptial agreements upon betrothal. If thou chooses to go this route, make sure the contract guarantees thy lover shan’t be buried in amulets, pendants, or anything else that can make thee look sexy enough to attract a new suitor.
Jump in there with him
As a last resort, jump into the grave with him and be buried alive. If thou cannot have thy amulets in this lyfe, at least thou shalt have them in the next!
