For those of thee that are legally allowed to own things, ‘tis clear that the housing market hath been literally on fire this year. Some blame it on low inventory due to the ravages of war, whilst others blame it on the plague and the fact that everyone’s dead so there’s no one to put out the flames.
But – perhaps surprisingly – experts sayeth that the biggest factor engulfing the housing market in a raging inferno is simply the flammability of thatch.
“Once one house catches, the momentum spreads, and soon the whole village is ablaze,” spake real estate magnate Joost’n Llanddowner. “‘Tis why whenever I see a village on fire and villagers running around screaming trying to save themselves, I know it’s best to wait patiently until things cool off to swoop in and buy their scorched land at a discount.”
This is especially concerning for prospective home buyers who cann’t afford more fire-resistant building materials like stone and dragon bone.
To help thee better understand the insatiable conflagration that is the current real estate market, we broke down some of the biggest factors putting homes to the torch to help thee navigate the smouldering wreckage of modern home ownership.
Flammability of Thatch
As stated above, the flammability of the primary material in peasants’ rooves causes fires to catch easily and spread with haste. If thou art poor, then sorry, but there be nothing thou cannest do about this since thou cann’t afford to make thy roof from anything else. As an alternative, thou can try living in a hole instead.
So many peasants hath died from ye plague that there are simply not enough left to put out all the fires. Also, the poor regions are experiencing perpetual drought, so there’s no water with which to extinguish the flames anyway. If thou wast thinking of moving to a plague-ridden village, chances are the housing market is red hot.
The King’s Practice of Torching Villages for Sport
Many peasants hold The King’s practice of torching their homes for fun in great disfavour. Unfortunately for them, ‘tis His Royal Prerogative to torch whenever and wherever he please. If thou finds thy home in such a situation, ‘tis best not to complain lest he torches thee as well.
Better Torch Technology
The King hath invested heavily in new torch technology to make His practice of torching homes for sport more fun. It doth seem His investment hath paid off, at least as far as His fun is concerned, for torches nowadays burn hotter and longer than any we hath seen in the past.
Goode luck to thee when searching for a new home in this blazing market. If thou art willing to live in a hole or the woods for a few months, we recommend waiting ‘til things cool off.
Behind the story: Wattle and Daub
I’m a big fan of medieval-looking houses, especially when they’re not on fire. One way of building a house in the Middle Ages was with “wattle and daub” (see this great video on wattle and daub to learn how they’re built). This method of construction probably predates the Middle Ages, but buildings like this are likely what most people think of when they think of wattle and daub:
Wattle and daub houses are built by making a timber frame, weaving a latticework of wooden strips or sticks (the “wattle”) in between the beams of the frame, and filling it in with some combination of mud, clay, straw, and/or… animal dung (the “daub”). It’s a sturdy and well-insulated form of construction, and there are still wattle and daub buildings around that are hundreds of years old.
Apparently, you can build your own wattle and daub home in only about a dozen steps (good luck passing an inspection).
Wattle and daub buildings don’t necessarily have thatched roofs, but it wouldn’t be much fun for The King if they didn’t have them in this case.